In the sermon this morning, Rev. Debra so wisely talked about being cautious about how we talk to people (and about people, for that matter).  It reminded me so much of what Stephen Covey said about "Seek First to Understand, then to Be Understood".  In other words, if we don't know where people are coming from and we make assumptions, we can often use words that might be hurtful and even unwarranted.
  
So, I thought I might dissect this phrase:  Mind Your Words. 

MIND:  Let's start with the mind.  Starting here implies that I am cognizant of what I am saying.  I am using my brain to pause when necessary and to re-think phrasing I use that might be taken out of context and possibly be offensive to someone. Does this mean we walk around on eggshells? I think not. I believe it means that we are aware that we are not the only people on the earth, and that we share this earth with people who have different beliefs than our own.  On Christmas Day, we participated in an Inter-Faith Worship event.  We had people who spoke, sang, played instruments, and story told from religious sects such as the Muslim Community Center of Tucson, a local Jewish congregation, Tucson's Ba'hai community, the Tucson North Stake of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, Church of Science, and finally our own Episcopal Church of the Apostles.   One of the coolest moments for me, personally, was when the Muslim sheikh said the words "As-salaamu Alaikum" which in Arabic means “May Peace be unto you.” And, after working with schools across the nation in the last few years, I have learned the proper response for this Islamic greeting is, “Va-alaikum As-salaam” which in Arabic means “Peace be unto you too".  Ummm.... this is exactly what we say in our church, and I know most Catholic and Episcopal churches do the same.  Wait a minute....we are saying the EXACT same words, just in a different language. That just touched my soul, deeply, to think about that connection to others.  So, why do we let our minds try to convince us that we are so very different, and that if people look, talk, or worship a bit differently than we do, we need to reject them and their beliefs?  As our priest said, we were likely looking at the Kingdom of God when worshiping together on Christmas Day---- with people from so many different walks of life.  My theory has always been that our infinite God is like the world-wide web.  That is our goal to get out to the internet. But we just each use different internet providers.  We may actually change providers at times in our lives, because our needs and wants change, but no matter what, we are getting out to "infinite God".  

YOUR: This word seems pretty self-explanatory, right? But within that four-letter word, there is an implication that I am responsible for my own transformation. In fact, I believe that it is only by allowing my "self" to be emptied before it can be filled with the Holy Spirit or any other new ideas that might have been rejected before if I was not open-minded enough.  Richard Rohr, in his book "Yes, And.. Daily Meditations" (Rohr, 1997) that two dear friends of mine have been reading from and texting about on a daily basis since last May, talks about the small self (the one that relies on the ego, whether boosting me up or convincing me I am not enough) and how it can often overtake us.  Instead, in order to become more Holy or even a larger part of human understanding, we need to allow ourselves to become more of our "authentic" selves (what God had long ago designed for us, in the first place).  Chris Sligh, who finished 10th on American Idol in season 6, sings in "Empty Me":

"Empty me of the selfishness inside
Every vain ambition and the poison of my pride
And any foolish thing my heart holds to
Lord empty me of me so I can be filled with You"

Click on the "Empty Me" link above. I promise it's worth a listen. 

What does this mean to you?  For me, it means that I simply must be willing to lose the "poison of pride", in which I either think too much of myself or or think of myself too much.  Either way, I need to let go of those foolish things so I can be filled with the Holy Spirit and new ideas, whether personal or professional. 

Words:
As a connoisseur of words, I have always been interested in communication.  How do my words impact you?  How do your words impact me?  Why is it that, on a certain day, Dave might say something to me that flies right past me, when the next day, he might say the exact same thing but it hits me in a totally different way?  I believe that is because true communication is the transmission of a message between a sender and receiver. That implies that at least two people's human natures are going to be involved.  Each of us transmits messages and receives messages differently, depending on what emotional state we are in. I have written articles, taught workshops, delivered keynotes, and written a book specifically on communication, and this is what I know:  I still get into situations in which I could allow the use of one word to either wreck or make my day.  The blessing is that I get to teach graduate students who are typically teachers who are hoping to become school leaders one day.  I try to model for them that their words matter.  Their written and verbal communication matter, immensely, to the general public. I use the example that, if a principal were to write the word "principle" when talking about themselves, the "ballpark talk" (as I refer to it when groups of parents talk about what they see going on in their children's school) is going to eat that principal alive.  I tell my students that I am trying desperately to save themselves from such a fate.  

What words carry heavy connotation to you?  "Social distancing"?  What about "woke"?  Do they offend you? Do they bolster you? 
 
I am so very hopeful that the people with whom I work know how very much their words mean to me.  When I teach a workshop filled with administrators or teachers, their feedback in post-session evaluations are taken straight to heart. Yes, there are outliers who say things like, "The coffee wasn't good. They should get Starbuck's next time", but I have learned to ignore the outliers and focus on the "mean", for the most part.  

What does it mean to you to "Mind Your Words"?  I would love to hear your thoughts.  And, by the way, when I say this, I truly mean those words I say:  I REALLY would love to read your comments. It helps me become a better communicator and thinker.  God bless you, Rev. Debra, for giving me such food for thought to dissect three simple words from your sermon.  I'd love to conclude by sharing a video that epitomizes this concept that words matter.  I use it in multitudes of workshops I teach.  

​

Happy Communicating to all,

Shelly

Yesterday, Dave and I returned from a week in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico, which I affectionately call my "happy place". Why? It is where the Sea of Cortez meets the Pacific Ocean, creating a tremendously gorgeous turquoise water color combined with massive waves (it is rarely okay to go swimming in the water, but it is perfect for sitting on the beach, sitting by the pool, or lying in bed with the doors open---listening to the crashing of the waves).  We got on the plane headed back to Tucson by way of Phoenix (don't ask), and within two minutes, we heard two couples griping at each other ("don't squish the hats!" "I wanted the window seat!" "Turn down the fan! It's blowing in my face" (okay, that last one might have come from me)).  Dave and I looked at each other, and whispered at the same time "Vacation is apparently over".  Certainly, most all of us have witnessed this same phenomenon at Disneyworld or Disneyland (you know, the happiest place on earth) when family members gripe at each other.  
Today's sermon was about kneeling before God and others while standing up for what we believe. But what do we believe?  What if my belief is different from your belief? It seems that, lately, that happens a great deal.  Families and friends that say they love one another argue vehemently about political figures, even saying nasty things to one another on Facebook or in person.  Loving God and our neighbors sounds pretty simple, but it apparently is not easy.  Simple but not easy.  Why?  Because, for some silly reason, we believe that if we say we are right, then you who hold a differing belief must be wrong.  I am but one voice, thought.  You may not agree with me, but I do have that one voice that is mine and mine alone.  I hope my voice is one of humility, but I believe that is not true, all the time. Why? I allow your voice that doesn't agree with mine to get my hackles up.  And then, somehow, you are no longer just unique in your perspective but you are wrong.  
What would happen if, instead of responding to one another's differing opinions with venom and ugliness, we simply responded with kindness and respectfulness?  "How can I kneel and stand at the same time?" was the theme of our dear Rev. Debra's sermon this morning.  Of course I have the right (and often a duty) to speak up with courage if a wrong is being done, but I pray with my heart and soul that I do that out of respect for others as human beings (after all, I think I am called to respect all humanity) instead of speaking to degrade someone else's beliefs?  In fact, I think others' views might simply be considered unique versus wrong.  Instead of arguing, what would be the problem with simply asking the other person whose views raise my hackles, "What is it about __________ that makes you uncomfortable?" or "What views about _______________ mesh with your own views about humanity?" OR.....I might even say Dave's and my favorite line for one another, "You know, you might be right about that" even if we might not totally believe it at the time.  In other words, how do I behave in relationship with those with whom I abjectly disagree?  
After all, the last I checked, God is God. I am not. I would, however, like to live in accordance with the way God would have me live----in harmony with my fellow man, with humility and integrity.  

What about you?

Happy Communicating!!

Shelly
​

Yes, it's that time of year...the time during which we all talk about the things for which we are most thankful.  But why do we wait until Thanksgiving?  Why do we wait until the pilgrims tell us it's time to gorge ourselves and give thanks for all our friends and family (and maybe moving across the ocean to practice religious freedom)?  I think about what that must have been like to share their first harvest with the native Wampanoag tribe.  Imagine the dialogue:

Pilgrim 1:  Hey, we've got some corn we grew.  Want some?

Wampanoag 1:  If you give us some fruits and veggies, we'll give you some of our deer we just killed.  Do you guys even know what venison is?  

Pilgrim 2:  Well, we know a lot about tea, but hey, we're game to try some venison. *laughs at his own joke*

Wampanoag 2:  That's not really all that funny. I'm not sure this is going to work out so well.

Pilgrim 1:  Don't worry about him.  He's really never funny, but he has grown some grain that we could use to make some bread we could break together.

Wampanoag 1:  Your bread breaks?  *looks at Wampanoag 2* I'm not sure we want to share our deer with people who make bread that breaks.

Truthfully, I cannot even imagine what that must have been like.  I wonder if, when the pilgrims put out their hands to say a prayer of thanks, the Wampanoag were thinking, "We are going to have to use a serious amount of hand sanitizer after this."  

For what are you most thankful?  I kneel down on my little bedside stool every morning to thank God for the day ahead and ask Him to keep me serene for the day.  I'm thankful that, when I do that, I have a loving little girl Lab (L.C.) who lies down on the bed and puts her paws up next to my praying hands.  I like to think she really is praying with me.  It is a bit of a ritual I have been doing for approximately the last 22 years.  I have almost never missed a day, so while I don't really like calling it a mere habit, it truly is.  The problem?  Before our pandemic, I was traveling a lot for work.  Kneeling down on a hotel room carpet is not really conducive to serenity for a person with a bit of control freakiness and maybe a tiny bit of OCD.  But I couldn't compromise, or it would have been that much easier to lapse the next day, and even easier the day after that.  So, no matter if I have been in a tent on a safari in Africa, having to wake up at 3:30 in the morning to catch an early flight, or on vacation somewhere with Dave and the dogs, I still make it a priority.  

What is so important?  Everything!  I love sunshine; I love family and friends; I love the work I do, getting to teach at four universities; I love hearing what keeps teachers and administrators going even when the going gets tough; I love watching "Lucifer" on Netflix; I love movie theater popcorn; I am thankful for Jesus dying for my sins, and the hits just keep coming.  For what are you grateful?  Dave and I like to take a moment for every person at our Thanksgiving table to answer that question during the meal.  It is amazing the things we hear.  

Why not take a moment to kneel down during this Thanksgiving week (or sit, if your knees can't handle the kneeling) and thank God for all the earthly and spiritual things that bring your gratitude?

Happy Communicating and Happy Thanksgiving blessings to all!!

Shelly

...but be sure to put on hand sanitizer afterwards and then pass it on to the next person! 

    When Dave and I first moved to Niceville, Florida, where I was a substitute teacher, then a guidance counselor, then a principal, I began attending St. Jude's Episcopal Church.  The first Sunday service I attended, I felt as though I had come home.  These were my people; they were singing my songs; the youth were joking around with each other, etc.  I sat in the middle of the church, and I sang hymns I hadn't heard for a while (the "why" of this is a whole other blog for another day, I promise).  When we passed the sign of peace (shook hands, met some people, which Dave to this day still calls "halftime at the Episcopal church), the lady sitting in front of me turned around and said, "We must get you into the choir! You have a lovely voice."  Another parishioner asked me my name and what I did. I said that I was a middle school counselor.  The service went on, I loved the sermon, and then we all began to walk out.  "Not so fast!", Father Arnold (the priest) might have said.  He introduced himself to me before I had the chance to slip away, and he said, "I heard that you should be in the choir. I'll introduce you, in a moment, to our choir director.  But first, I also heard you were a middle school counselor.  We are in need of an extra middle school youth group advisor. Would you be interested in helping out?"  Ummm....no! You freaky people have already figured out that I can sing and that I like working with youth, but I was not planning on coming every Sunday!!  Wait, that's what I wanted to say, but somehow, my mouth opened and I said I'd be happy to meet the youth group director. And so began at least 10 more years of working as a youth group advisor alongside some of the best people I've ever known, and working with "youth" who I keep in touch with on a regular basis and have their own "youth" at home.  And the choir?  There I was, at choir practice the next Thursday, and in my choir robe the next Sunday.  Wow!  How did that happen?  I was invited.  Father Arnold knew how to find peoples' strengths and prey upon them (did I say that? I meant he knew how to grow a church with the talents of others).  ;)  Lo and behold, Dave and I have found that same blessing of a church here in Tucson:  a priest we adore (her sermons are truly God-given); a chance to lend a helping hand every Sunday for the last nine months so that we could keep "church" going; and people who want to be servants to the people around the Tucson area and beyond. 

I vowed, when I became a principal, that I would do exactly that---be a servant leader but also find other servants!  I would put the right people in the right positions, even if they didn't know what those might be at the time.  I pray that I did the right thing by most people.  Some crazy teachers even ASKED to be pushed out of their comfort zone. One first grade teacher came in one day, shut my door, and said, "I want to move next year."  I said, "Well, we may have an opening in 2nd grade."  "No", she answered. "I really want to move----to 5th grade."  And that she did.  She asked me to observe her and give her honest feedback about her questioning skills with that age group (it's tough going from teaching 1st graders to teaching 5th graders).  She wanted the feedback, though, and I love her to this day for that.  So many teachers show up in my dreams, even 8 years after I left that beautiful elementary school in Niceville, Florida (good dreams, not nightmares, by the way).  We had so much fun---doing Relay for Life, with a captain that directed us with a vengeance; putting on a Spring Fling festival with a PTO and front office group that had that sucker down to a fine art; cleaning up after such an event, laughing and having a joyous time picking trash; singing in the front office (just the secretaries and I) and so much more. 

I have been supremely blessed to be able to teach part-time at Trinity University this semester.  Trinity, in San Antonio, is my alma mater.  I feel that I have come full circle.  I want to be there full-time, but I have so much joyful other work I get to do with the Danielson Group, Grand Canyon University, Walden University, and my own business, as well until that time comes.  Working with schools and universities around the world is a gift----a true gift.  I get to lend a helping hand to them, while I am given so much by doing that work as well.  I was recently asked to lend a helping hand to interview an alumnus who is running his own business in Denver.  What a treat to be able to write a column for our Alumni Online Newsletter.  I'm so excited for another opportunity!!
​
Yesterday, I was working on lesson plans for an upcoming webinar when I got a phone call.  One of the support staff with whom I used to work at the school where I was principal in Florida has been diagnosed with cancer, and the assistant principal thought I might be able to lend an ear and a shoulder and some words of comfort.  After all, my experience with breast cancer is nothing, if not a way in which I can pay it forward as was done to me by so many people who had walked that road before me.  We spent some time talking, crying, and laughing, and in the end....praying.  I couldn't stop crying as my worlds seemed to be colliding----getting a chance to love on people with whom I haven't spoken for 8 years---and getting to share some of my experience, strength, and hope.  My heart was light (though her burden is heavy) for the remainder of the day. Why?

Lending a hand works in mysterious ways.  When I help someone else, my life is blessed 10-fold.  Lending a hand?  That's what school should be all about.  That's what church should be all about.  That's what our country should be all about.  Now, why don't we start doing it?  I am blessed.  I pray you feel that way, too!!

Happy Communicating,

Shelly
​

Today at church was the Blessing of the Pets.  Dave asked Rev. Debra if she could perform an exorcism on L.C. (our 6 month old Lab who is slightly spirited).  Without hesitation, Rev. Debra quipped, "I'd have to see what her demons are, first."  I love our priest so much!

As I talked about a couple of weeks ago, we sat in the vet's office with our sweet Rudy as she crossed over the Rainbow Bridge. I cried into her fur, even after she had taken her last breath and her heart beat for the last time; Dave whispered softly to her, "LN, K.C., M.E., B.J, and all the others will be there waiting for you, sweet girl" (which, by the way, made me explode into more bursts of tears).  So many people have asked us, "How can you do that? I can't be there when our dogs are put down. I just can't stand it."  Without any judgement whatsoever, Dave and I simply believe that our pups have been with us for so many years and have given us so much joy and love and faithful companionship, we couldn't bear to not be there for them in their last hours or moments of life.  I cannot hide behind my own tender feelings that might tempt me to let a loved one of ours cross that bridge without us.  

Well, I have found this same premise to be true as I have been listening to the audiobook of "White Fragility" by Robin DiAngelo, who discusses the fragile and often defensive nature of many of us to talk about issues surrounding racism.  While I run with L.C. in the morning, I listen to DiAngelo's words challenging me to examine why talking about racism would be more offensive than the act of racism itself.  I often begin to hide behind my own feelings by saying to myself: "I have friends of color"; "I dated several Latino boys"; "As a principal, I wouldn't tolerate the use of the 'n' word".  And then DiAngelo says something that makes me think, "I might not, in any way, be overtly racist, but in what ways am I working to make societal changes to help others understand that simply because someone marched in the 1960s Civil Rights marches doesn't change the fact that we can still lack the "racial stamina" to engage in tough conversations about race?" Yes, I remember many times, growing up, saying those words, "I'm color-blind. I don't see color".  Well, that is just ridiculous. Of course we see color.  We don't have the human capacity to be that objective.  The question in my mind, right now, is what does it mean when I see color?  How do I react?  Am I proud that I was raised in a city, in many neighborhoods, and in many schools in which most of my friends were of another race than I am?  Maybe, admittedly, I am.  But DiAngelo is challenging me to think about how I still had many advantages that my black friends did not, even though I can carry the "I grew up in a single-parent apartment without money to pay for field trips at times" flag.  Simply put, I was not immediately judged when I walked in a convenient store or a department store, so the truth is my color did hold some advantages for me, even if I felt "less than" sometimes.  The fact of the matter is, I truly believe that saying "Black Lives Matter" does not negate any of those toils and troubles with which I grew up. It simply means that our society is geared to give privilege to white people (we can go deeper down that label, if you'd like, privately), and we seem afraid to talk about it.  

What do you hide behind?  Fear of hurt feelings?  Fear of defensiveness?  Fear of being called a name you believe you have worked hard to overcome being called?  
Why do we have to hide?  Why don't we begin talking about the issues that keep our schools from showing equity? Why don't we begin talking about issues of inequality in all areas of society?  I'm willing, if you are.

Happy communicating!!

Shelly 

We've known it was coming for a long time.  Rudy, our oldest Lab, turned 12 in June, and for the last year or so, she had had multiple issues. After having some cancer cut out of her, one of her back legs started giving out on her, forcing her to sort of "bunny hop" with her back feet when she tried to trot.  In the last few weeks, she had developed more bumps and lumps that we had already decided we weren't going to diagnose, as we weren't going to put her through any more surgeries, anyway. She hated going in to the vet's office (or even Petco to get a de-thatching of her thick fur, for that matter), as it meant leaving us for a short bit.  After she started doing some even more odd things this past week, we decided it was time.  So, to say we weren't prepared for the inevitable would be a lie.  But those of you who are pet owners know this truth: it doesn't matter how long you've known it was going to be time to put a pup down, it still hurts so very much.  We were blessed to sit right next to her as they gave her a sedative to calm her down and then put the I.V. in to allow her to go over the Rainbow Bridge to see all her sisters who have gone before her.  
The great news is that Rudy taught us so many great life lessons, three of which I'll share here:
Listen to your loved ones:  ​ We have been working on listening to each other at church, during what I have mentioned is a time our priest has termed "For God's Sake, Listen!" It gives us the chance to hear other people's views without any arguing for your "rightness" or to try to convince anyone else of your own personal beliefs.  Rudy knew exactly how to get us to listen to her.  She had an uncanny knack for feeling what we were feeling. I almost banned Dave and Glenn (one of our dearest friends and Rudy's favorite uncle) from watching football together in our house. When they would yell at the television (because we all know the effectiveness of that strategy), Rudy would come directly over to Dave, and lift up his arm or hand (typically the one that was holding the remote control) for him to pay attention to her instead of that very disturbing t.v.  
Love one another as well as you can for as long as you can: Dave and I have often said that we believe that we were meant to love dogs unconditionally.  After all, we love each other and God, unconditionally.  Why not the pups we bring into our lives?  Rudy was a lover of people.  Dave and I used to say that K.C. (our 1st Lab and the one who sealed the deal that Labs were going to be the breed we got for the rest of our lives and who was the impetus for my first book ever published called "Letting Go of K.C.") was the one who taught us how to co-parent.  M.E. (our 2nd Lab) was more Dave's dog (so intuitive to his every move), L.N. (our 3rd Lab) was more my dog (she would sit with me for hours on a lounge chair outside and curl up behind my legs at night), and that Rudy was everyone's dog.  She loved every person with whom she came in contact.  This was not true about every dog she encountered, however.  When we first moved to Tucson, we needed to find a pet sitter or place to board our dogs when we went on our first trip.  We actually had to "interview" for one boarder.  She had us drop our three Labs off and leave them with her for a couple of hours.  We were worried about M.E., as she was a pretty skittish little Lab (my dear friend, Jil, used to call her "Foxy" as she moved around people like a fox, not sure who she should trust).  Instead, when we returned, the woman who ran the boarding place said, "All your dogs are fine to stay whenever you would like, but I just wanted to let you know that Rudy got really upset a couple of times."  "RUDY??!" Dave and I both exclaimed at the same time.  The woman replied, "Yes, I had them in the yard socializing with the other dogs, and Rudy almost snapped at Polly Esther {yes, really} when Polly tried to sniff Rudy".  Oh yeah....there was that.  Rudy simply did not like having her bottom sniffed. Who, really, could blame her for that?  Not I, my friends, not I.
Live life to the fullest: Even in her older age, Rudy absolutely loved when we took three week-long trips to the mountains of Ruidoso, New Mexico.  She would lie down on the deck or backyard of where we would stay, and just soak up the sun. While Kirby would yell at the deer who traipsed by, seeking grass around our place, Rudy would just watch them with her soulful, golden-brown eyes.  In her earlier years, she loved going hiking, as we would let the dogs off-leash (truthfully, she never needed a leash---she was a people person and knew who was going to feed her later that day).  Just a few weeks ago, we went back for her last trip.  On one hike we do, the dogs found their waterfall, and Rudy, even while she tripped a bit getting in, looked like a young pup, swimming and paddling around the pool of water at the base of the falls.  After a trek like that, she was perfectly content to lie on the back deck of a house we were staying in, just sleeping in the sunshine the remainder of the day.  
We've all likely heard the old adage, "You'll know it is time to put the dog down when they quit eating."  Not so for ANY of our Labs, and Rudy was no exception.  She was eating treats out of our hand as they gave her the "relaxation" shot yesterday morning.  She loved her food, she loved special treats, and she especially loved cow or pig ears.  And by "loved", I mean she devoured them with a fervor.  

We are missing Rudy something awful, and little things will likely remind us of her for many days, weeks and months ahead, but we are so very grateful for the time we had with her. 

I pray that you enjoy your animal friends as much as you possibly can for as long as you can.  And remember:  "dog" spelled backwards is "God".  We know Rudy is probably lifting up God's hand to get Him to pet her.  Nahhh......He likely is petting her anyway.  She's just that special.

Happy Communicating!!

​Shelly

    One of Ruth Bader Ginsburg's famous quotes is one I SO wished I had coined myself.
“Fight for the things that you care about, but do it in a way that will lead others to join you,”
This is something that transcends our personal, professional, and social lives, as well as internally and externally.  What does it mean to you?  

     In the Episcopal church, and likely many others, the word "justice" is brought up in the Baptismal covenant.  It says in the Book of Common Prayer:  "Will you strive for justice and peace among all people, and respect the dignity of every human being?" and the entire congregation (not just the person being baptized) answers:  "We will, with God's help."  But, honestly, what am I doing on a daily basis to "strive for justice"?  Reverend Debra, our priest, asked us this very question in church today.  I know it might seem like a very tiny thing, but as I teach courses to up and coming school leaders, the notion of how principals represent their school and their own reputation matters a great deal.  I often have a student or two in each class I teach who has difficulty with their writing.  Maybe they overuse or underuse (but misuse, in any case) commas or apostrophes; maybe they can't seem to grasp the notion of subject/verb agreement; maybe, they spell principal as "principle" (this one grieves me greatly, by the way. After all, how can you become one if you can't spell it?).
     I consider it my integrity-filled duty to help each and every student I teach become a more proficient writer but to do it in a way that preserves their dignity.  Why?  Because it matters.  Like it or not, we are judged by the way we communicate (both in written and verbal form) with parents, teachers, and even students.  If we send home a memo with multiple typographical errors in it, there will most certainly be what I call "ballpark talk" about our competence as a leader.  "Why in the world should the school hold my son to a higher standard of writing if the school leader can't even write the correct form of 'their, there, or they're'?" And the hits typically keep coming, after that.  It's actually really hard to argue with that point, by the way. 
     When I first started teaching at one of the universities at which I teach graduate courses for those teachers working on their master's degree in Educational Leadership, I got the occasional, extremely frustrated comment along the lines of "Dr. Arneson is way too tough on our writing."  It would hurt my heart, and I also have to admit it hurt my ego.  But I was fighting for justice as a general respect, for all involved, for anyone who was going to have to read this student's writing anytime in the future.  
      I am proud to say that the tides seem to have turned.  This "term", I have received emails and even public forum discussion posts that say things like, "Dr. Arneson has pushed me out of my comfort zone" or "No other professor until Dr. Arneson has ever given me so much feedback. I now understand how important effective writing is in our future jobs."  I couldn't be more proud of them.  Even students who currently have a C going into the last week of our course are thanking me for giving them a swift kick in the..... well, you get the point.
     I am so very happy to say that I believe that fighting for some of the things I care about are beginning to grow a following. It may not be across the board (one of my students a couple of semesters ago said it appeared I was "married to the rubric"----was that meant to be rude? I take it as a compliment, by the way), but it is much more respected than it was before.  What has changed? I believe it has a lot to do with how I am giving them the true purpose in effective communication. We, as educators or educational leaders, are held to a higher standard, whether we like it or not.  We can say "It isn't fair" but the fact is I actually believe it IS fair, as we should be modeling for our teachers what our teachers should be constantly modeling the way students need to communicate---in job interviews, in jobs themselves or even in personal relationships.  Some people think too much back hair on a man is unattractive.  I feel quite differently. I believe that when subjects and verbs are not in agreement, that is far more unattractive than anything having to do with hair. 

     Because I try to implement what I believe is the right thing to do every day I continue to work in education, I would like to share with you one of my favorite videos on the topic of writing.  Jim Gaffigan makes me laugh aloud.  

     Just for today, share with me what Ruth Bader Ginsberg's words mean to you?  Please share on Facebook, Twitter, or Linked In! I want for us to spread the wealth!!

Happy Communicating!

Shelly

Are you a good person? Are your friends and family "good people"?  What if the people you consider to be good people do things that you don't think are good things to do?  Does that make them bad people?  It would seem so when we watch the news or get into the rifts on social media about politics, medical situations, human rights, race, etc. 
The sermon today in church was about that exact topic.  Can good people get into bad things or act in ways that are not "good" in other peoples' minds?  I suspect so.  

My class I am teaching at Trinity University called "Teaching Students with Learning and Behavior Problems" has been studying the notion of students who have gotten in repeated trouble and been labeled "bad kids".  Have you ever taught a "bad kid"? Have you ever had a "bad kid" in your neighborhood?  I grew up mostly in apartment complexes and didn't have a whole lot of supervision. I participated in some pretty bad activities but I think I am a pretty "good person".  Fast forward to teaching and being a principal.  I had a student or two who would run away from school.  The text we've been reading in class says that teachers tend to label students who would do such a thing as "bad kids"  (Greene, 2016).  The problem with even saying the student's behavior is bad is that we are not, in Greene's view going far enough "upstream".  We are simply seeing what we see, and even worse, theorizing about the reasons for it.  We hear educators say things like, "He probably runs away because he doesn't want to go home to his house where there is drug use and prostitution going on."  The problem with these "adult theories" (Greene, 2016, p. 38) is that we are imposing our own beliefs on someone else's choices, and they are often wrong.  Instead, we need to go further upstream and explore the unsolved problem.  For my runner, it might be that he has difficulty staying in school after 2:00.  We, as the adults in his life, including his parent(s), of course, can get together and talk collaboratively about the problem-solving process.  What might we do?  One suggestion is to get someone who has a really good relationship with the student to have the first discussion with him/her.  That might be the P.E. coach; it might be the counselor; it might be the lady who monitors the lunchroom who the student opens up with when he/she feels like no one else is listening.  The conversation might go something like:
Adult:  So, you seem to have difficulty staying in the school after 2:00. What's going on there?
Student: I don't know. I just don't want to be there anymore.
Adult:  Hmmmm....I get that; what do you think is going on around 2:00 that makes you want to run?
Student:  I just hate getting on the bus after school. I'd rather run home.  
Adult:  What's going on with the bus that you're not comfortable with?
Student:  It's loud and I just want to be by myself. 
Adult:  Hm.....it's a long way from school to your house, so we have the bus for that reason.  I wonder what might happen if we got you a headset with your favorite songs on a playlist, and you could listen to that on the way home on the bus. What do you think about that?
Student:  Yeah, that would be kinda cool....I'd like that.

Okay, maybe that is a simplistic version of the conversation and too easily solved, but it gives us the reality that the kid is not a "bad kid" and the kid is not even doing "bad behaviors". He/she just needs help with his unsolved problems.  

We can be divided on our views on politics, religion, human rights, race, etc. but does that make someone BAD?  I think not.  I hope not. I pray not.  As our sermon talked about today, even Biblical Matthew hung out with a homeless guy who ended up getting murdered (that would be Jesus).  Who is bad in that scenario?  I would think "nobody is". 

We may see good people, even people we love more than anyone else in the world, be involved in activities that we don't like or agree with.  But does that make their views bad?  People on social media often say it does.  I don't agree.  I believe we have the ability to agree to disagree on many aspects but still be good people.

Whenever Dave and I hear someone talking about "That's not a good activity", it reminds us of one of our favorite comedians, Brian Reagan   . He has one of the funniest "takes" on what is and isn't a good activity.  But he doesn't get into who is and isn't a good person.

Just for today, perhaps consider what is and isn't a good activity for you. And remember, above all, that you are good and wonderfully made.  

Happy Communicating,

Shelly

Greene, R.W. (2016).  Lost and Found:  Helping behaviorally challenging students.​ Jossey-Bass.  
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​I'm sitting here thinking about what life looked like a year ago.  I was in airports as much as I was at home, it seemed, traveling from one venue to the next, providing professional development for teachers and school leaders all over the world.  Fast forward to now; the changes that have occurred in our world are innumerable.  Many people have not seen their families in person for nearly a year.  Those who have family members who are in vulnerable medical conditions can do no more than wave to family members through a window. 
Many of us are going to Zoom church.  Everyone stocked up on toilet paper (still can't figure that one out, but that's for another day).  For me, it solidified my belief in 60% alcohol (or more) hand sanitizer (it actually feeds a bit of my OCD, I think).  We are either back in school with face shields, like something out of a sci-fi movie; or we're totally online, teaching Kindergarten students through Zoom or other electronic platforms (who knew we should have all invested in Zoom a year ago?); or we're doing a hybrid model.  I'm supervising several student teachers who tell me things like, "We can set up the date for an online observation next week, but don't be surprised if we change it to be in person.  Things change, from day to day, around here."  We cannot overestimate the amount of change that has happened for all educators around the world, and subsequently affecting students and parents.  So, how have you been changed?  I'll start and you can join in the conversation.
1.  Working from home may have altered the venue but it certainly hasn't altered the amount of work, effort and passion I put into my webinars and teaching: After years and years of praying I would someday teach at my alma mater, Trinity University, in San Antonio, Texas, I was hired to  do exactly that.  Ummm....but maybe "exactly" is not the correct word.  Living in Tucson, Arizona, I was going to teach in a hybrid setting, teaching face-to-face every other week, and online the alternate weeks.  I couldn't wait.  And then the mandates came out:  I would have to get tested for COVID each time I entered Texas and quarantine for two weeks before going on campus.  Ummm...I think that just defeated the purpose of the hybrid model.  So, I am teaching fully online, but in a synchronous fashion, so I see my Trinity students every Tuesday and Thursday from 8:30 - 9:45 (oops! I forgot that would mean 6:30 - 7:45 in the morning for me).  I couldn't be any more grateful for this opportunity. It is so different from the classes I teach at Grand Canyon University and Walden University, in which I only rarely get a chance to see my students, as the courses are all asynchronous (and how about that for a change?  Everyone knows the word "synchronous" and "asynchronous", now).  What hasn't changed?  I still love what I do with a passion unmatched by anything I could have ever imagined when I was a little girl, playing school.  Teaching may look different, but it still feels like exactly what I want to do until I am unable to communicate effectively anymore.
2.We are MORE involved in church than ever before.  I was asked in March if we could help with setting up a Zoom meeting, so people who wanted to attend church from home would be able to do so.  I was pretty fluent in Zoom, so I agreed. Only 7 -8 people were allowed in the church each week, so Dave began reading the Bible readings, then began carrying the cross and bringing up the offertory, and I ran the Zoom meeting and then ran over by the organ to be the sole singer (not soul singer, mind you) or praise and worship leader, if you will.  We have morphed into a really nice production that we are proud to put out on Facebook Live each week (we call ourselves "Christship Enterprise", despite the flaws that happen when you have humans doing things that are new to them.  Every other week, we all stay after church to do what we call "For God's Sake, Listen", in which Reverend Debra leads us in a whole group discussion or small group breakout rooms (thank you, Zoom) to talk about tough topics that some of us even have a hard time talking about with our own families.  Rev. Debra gave a shout-out today to Dave and me for becoming such active members of church in the last year.  We reminded her, when we were alone with her in the sanctuary, shutting everything down after church, that we came to HER to help us communicate a bit better with one another.  We had no idea, at the time, that we would begin going to church there, much less become such active members.  God has a pretty funny way of weaving the seemingly littlest threads through our lives.  We are eternally grateful and really do feel like we have found "home".
3.We appreciate the time we have been given to appreciate life and love and God's beauty. Our friends and family would say, "You mean, you have time to work with a new puppy!" Yes, that is true, as well.  We figured being a bit house-bound was a perfect time to adopt a puppy and train her.  L.C. (5 months old and full of piss and vinegar) is a great addition to our home, and she has wormed her way into my morning ritual of running 4 miles.  In fact, I now have to carry her water bottle when we run, as she gets as hot as I do. We are both relieved to see a little bit of cooler mornings beginning to creep into our desert climate.  Change is HIGHLY inevitable when you have a puppy in the house (she believes she is a mountain goat, for example, as she climbs on every piece of furniture).  Did I mention she's a yellow Labrador Retriever who will wind up being at least 65-70 pounds?  But as hard as she plays, she sleeps that hard as well.  What a change she has become for our otherwise quiet home.  And we wouldn't trade her for the world (or at least that's what we keep telling ourselves when she brings souvenirs like parts of our backyard plants into the house, etc.).

What about you?  How has your life been changed?  How have YOU been changed?  I pray that your faith has improved. I pray that your ears are open at least as much as your mouth is. I pray that our country can begin listening with our hearts more than we speak our mind. 

I am grateful. How about you?

Happy Communicating!

​Shelly
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