Wow! What a year 2020 was, and 2021 is shaping up to be an interesting year of change.  Of course, COVID brought so many changes to us, and to educators for so many reasons.  One of the coolest things that I have seen is the way teachers have stepped up to the plate and have accepted the changes with such grace.  I am sometimes amazed at how the general public can criticize teachers for "not wanting to go to work" or for "not doing their job", when these same people may not even have kids of their own or know anything about what it is like to be in the field of education.  It raises my hackles, I'll admit, as it simply shows ignorance.  "Do you have any idea what teachers are having to do in this virtual 'baptism by fire' time??", I want to yell.  But, in truth, it wouldn't do any good, as I won't convince people who don't know the truth.  And, instead, why don't I spend my efforts helping educators do what they do best?  It is such a pleasure to work with teachers on getting more comfortable with online learning.  We spend time exploring digital tools, talking about the challenges and solutions, and discussing how these changes have likely altered the landscape of education forever.  I feel so grateful to be a part of that world, working with several universities and teaching workshops all over the country as well.  
      Now, our own big change is a move to Texas.  We have lived in Tucson for the last 8 years, and we had truly begun putting down roots here, including Dave's retirement (a.k.a. known as "golfing"), a wonderful church community, volunteering, fostering for a Labrador Retriever rescue organization, and so much more.  While we have loved it so very much, we felt like it would be a great time for a change.  I'm hopefully going to be teaching a bit more at Trinity University (my alma mater for my Bachelor's degree), in addition to continuing to mentor doctoral students, teaching at online universities, and teaching virtual workshops on increasing student engagement, etc.  Dave and I bought a piece of land in the hill country of Texas about 14 years ago, and we always said we would build on it "one day".  Apparently, that "one day" has come and we are going to build a home on that land.  While we are super excited, we also know that change is going to be hard.  It will be made a bit easier living in close proximity to my aging dad, my (almost 3 year old) niece and her whole family, and my best friend from high school, among many other friends and family.  And Dave will surely find a golf course or two on which he can play several days a week, while our own two Labs will enjoy being able to spread out on some acreage around our new home.
​          What does change mean to you?  How do you adapt to it?  I am looking forward to hearing your responses!
Happy Communicating!!
Shelly

Dave has a long history of making fun of me. Some things that seem to make so much sense to him escape my reasoning.  While sports are a big part of his life, I not only don't do so well with most of them, my care factor isn't truly present, either.  I would like to point out to all of my professional colleagues that my faux pas (yes, I had to check, and faux pas is actually singular and plural, and I, unfortunately mean it in the plural form) have not yet extended to my professional work.  

Dave's history of laughing at me started only a few years into our marriage, when we were flying somewhere, and I looked out the window to see a plane flying pretty close to us.  "Shouldn't we be farther away from that airplane over there? It seems dangerously close."  Dave looked then smirked at me, "That is the wing of our own airplane. You're safe, sweetie", and he patted my shoulder.  

Compound that with my lack of understanding of how, as Dave calls it, "water can run uphill".  When we would drain the hot tub that was on the second floor porch of our house in Florida, the water would come from a hose that was down at the lowest point in the hot tub and go up then back down to drain out on the grass below. I never quite got the "physics hang" of how the water could get up and out of the hot tub.  Dave sometimes still mutters, "We should have dated longer."

While most people are looking forward to watching the Superbowl for the football,  I typically read or do work for an upcoming workshop while the game is on, looking forward only to the commercials and Superbowl food.   Hey, at least I know that there are quarters versus innings in this game.  I just don't really care. 

I figure everyone has a superpower and everyone has their own kryptonite.  In fact,  I started playing a "game" with friends and family this past year. When gathered together, I would suggest we play Superpower. One person is in the Superpower chair in a circle, table or group.  Everyone else, in turn, says what they believe that person's Superpower is.  For example, Ryan is the most loyal and dedicated dad and wife to his beautiful family.  Dave is "Mr. Justice and Fairness".  Cid has dear friends in likely every state and country in the world because she is so friendly and fun-loving.  Robin has the capacity to stay calm in the face of situations in which most others would panic.  I challenge and encourage you to try this out with a group of family and friends. I assure you that everyone in the group will not soon forget the experience.

I can remember the names of my workshop participants after seeing/hearing their names one or two times.  Dave can remember the phone number we had in the first house we owned in Dallas.  And truly as patient as Dave is to try to remind me to "turn-turn" with my torso when swinging the golf club when I still am swinging mostly with my arms, I can only say, "I hear the words you are saying to me; my body just doesn't seem to understand them."  And all Dave can do is shake his head.   I believe my real Superpower exists in being able to laugh at myself, though. When Dave gave me a set of golf lessons, I thought, "This will be great!" I was soon out on the driving range with the female golf pro from our golf club.  To say she lacked a sense of humor would be generous.  At one point, she told me to get out my pitching wedge. I looked in my golf bag and couldn't find anything that would indicate it might be a pitching wedge.  I finally gave in, pulling out a club asking, "I can't find it. Would it be this E club?" The look of disdain on her face will not soon be forgotten, as she reached over, turned the club and said, "It's a W----W for wedge".  I promptly burst out laughing (that IS funny, after all), and she promptly...did not.  

So, I will be here as moral support for Dave this evening as we watch the Superbowl...or maybe I'm here more as comic relief.  

Happy Communicating!

​Shelly

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This is not a political post. This is not a political post. This is not a political post.
I am encouraging everyone to write this 100 times on the chalkboard.  Okay, frankly, there are some of you who have never even seen a chalkboard, but trust me on this one----whiteboards are SO much better....for those of us, especially, who have issues with getting chalk on our hands.  Oh boy....that whole issue is for another day and another blog.  

    Perspective is a funny thing, isn't it?  Some people are thrilled with the election while others are not. Some people (even in the same family) see their childhoods as great learning opportunities while others see their early childhood years as reasons for not achieving their dreams.  Some people see rain as a way to ruin your parade, while others see rain as an answer to prayer for their withering crops.  This morning, as Dave and I drove to church, we headed east toward the Catalina Mountains, which have provided a most beautiful backdrop to Tucson over the last eight years of our life here.  Over the Catalinas hovered enormous looming clouds, ready to burst open with rain, sleet and snow.  We marveled at that sight while driving. At one point I turned around, and in the west, over the Tucson Mountains, the sun was shining so beautifully and brightly, Dave and I had to marvel and make a choice.  We could look toward the east and see gloom or we could look to the west and see the sun on our way to learn more about the Son!  Couple that with the fact that our priest's sermon was all about how during Jesus's walk on earth, He challenged people to turn around, to turn away from hypocrisy.  What a Godwink for us!  We also heard a pretty cool thought on the Praise and Worship station on Sirius XM on our drive to church.  It was something to the effect of:  Quit worrying about whether or not you are an elephant or a donkey, and focus on the fact that you are a lamb of God.  Wowee!! I just loved that.  On what do we spend the bulk of our time, thinking and Facebook posts?  It sure seems, at times, that negativity is winning out. And then Amanda Gorman steps onto the stage at the Inauguration (remember, this is not a political post; this part is all about beauty!!) and recites her poem, "The Hill We Climb" , and our country seems like an amazing place to live and grow.  
     Dave and I are in the midst of making some major changes in our lives.  We will be moving from Arizona to Texas (my homeland, by the way) soon, and we are looking at this situation through different types of lenses.  While Dave will be leaving behind some really great golfing buddies (and an amazing golf course, to boot), he is excited about the prospect of playing different courses in the hill country area of Texas.  While most all my work is online, I am hopeful I will be able to teach face-to-face courses at Trinity University in San Antonio (my B.A. alma mater) in the coming semesters.  We are at the same time dreading boxing up all of our goods and excited about building a new home.  It's all about our perspective.
     As far as education goes right now, I talk to many, many educators on a regular basis. I supervise student teachers, and they are so excited to begin their journey to gain their own classrooms by next fall.  I talk with educators who are struggling desperately with the shift from face-to-face learning to distance learning and all that entails.  I'm working with some schools on new and innovative digital tools that are engaging students in ways that we wouldn't have imagined fathomable a year ago.  I believe these tools and strategies have stretched all of us in education such that even when we are back face-to-face, we will still have a treasure trove of online techniques that we can add to our repertoires.  Yes, there are major challenges:  parent support, building relationships with students online, assessment in online conditions, and the hits just keep coming.  But there are also spots when we turn away from negativity and find the sunshine making a clear path to innovative ways of teaching and learning.  I am so proud to be a part of education (working with educators, educational leaders, my own students at the B.A, M.A., and doctoral level, etc.) right now and look forward to what the future has in store for me, personally, as well as for all of us in this amazing field.  
    Just for today, perhaps take a look behind you.  Turn away from hypocrisy; turn toward the light that is as bright as we are willing to make it.  And share that outlook with others as you see fit.  

Happy Communicating!!

Shelly

In the sermon this morning, Rev. Debra so wisely talked about being cautious about how we talk to people (and about people, for that matter).  It reminded me so much of what Stephen Covey said about "Seek First to Understand, then to Be Understood".  In other words, if we don't know where people are coming from and we make assumptions, we can often use words that might be hurtful and even unwarranted.
  
So, I thought I might dissect this phrase:  Mind Your Words. 

MIND:  Let's start with the mind.  Starting here implies that I am cognizant of what I am saying.  I am using my brain to pause when necessary and to re-think phrasing I use that might be taken out of context and possibly be offensive to someone. Does this mean we walk around on eggshells? I think not. I believe it means that we are aware that we are not the only people on the earth, and that we share this earth with people who have different beliefs than our own.  On Christmas Day, we participated in an Inter-Faith Worship event.  We had people who spoke, sang, played instruments, and story told from religious sects such as the Muslim Community Center of Tucson, a local Jewish congregation, Tucson's Ba'hai community, the Tucson North Stake of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, Church of Science, and finally our own Episcopal Church of the Apostles.   One of the coolest moments for me, personally, was when the Muslim sheikh said the words "As-salaamu Alaikum" which in Arabic means “May Peace be unto you.” And, after working with schools across the nation in the last few years, I have learned the proper response for this Islamic greeting is, “Va-alaikum As-salaam” which in Arabic means “Peace be unto you too".  Ummm.... this is exactly what we say in our church, and I know most Catholic and Episcopal churches do the same.  Wait a minute....we are saying the EXACT same words, just in a different language. That just touched my soul, deeply, to think about that connection to others.  So, why do we let our minds try to convince us that we are so very different, and that if people look, talk, or worship a bit differently than we do, we need to reject them and their beliefs?  As our priest said, we were likely looking at the Kingdom of God when worshiping together on Christmas Day---- with people from so many different walks of life.  My theory has always been that our infinite God is like the world-wide web.  That is our goal to get out to the internet. But we just each use different internet providers.  We may actually change providers at times in our lives, because our needs and wants change, but no matter what, we are getting out to "infinite God".  

YOUR: This word seems pretty self-explanatory, right? But within that four-letter word, there is an implication that I am responsible for my own transformation. In fact, I believe that it is only by allowing my "self" to be emptied before it can be filled with the Holy Spirit or any other new ideas that might have been rejected before if I was not open-minded enough.  Richard Rohr, in his book "Yes, And.. Daily Meditations" (Rohr, 1997) that two dear friends of mine have been reading from and texting about on a daily basis since last May, talks about the small self (the one that relies on the ego, whether boosting me up or convincing me I am not enough) and how it can often overtake us.  Instead, in order to become more Holy or even a larger part of human understanding, we need to allow ourselves to become more of our "authentic" selves (what God had long ago designed for us, in the first place).  Chris Sligh, who finished 10th on American Idol in season 6, sings in "Empty Me":

"Empty me of the selfishness inside
Every vain ambition and the poison of my pride
And any foolish thing my heart holds to
Lord empty me of me so I can be filled with You"

Click on the "Empty Me" link above. I promise it's worth a listen. 

What does this mean to you?  For me, it means that I simply must be willing to lose the "poison of pride", in which I either think too much of myself or or think of myself too much.  Either way, I need to let go of those foolish things so I can be filled with the Holy Spirit and new ideas, whether personal or professional. 

Words:
As a connoisseur of words, I have always been interested in communication.  How do my words impact you?  How do your words impact me?  Why is it that, on a certain day, Dave might say something to me that flies right past me, when the next day, he might say the exact same thing but it hits me in a totally different way?  I believe that is because true communication is the transmission of a message between a sender and receiver. That implies that at least two people's human natures are going to be involved.  Each of us transmits messages and receives messages differently, depending on what emotional state we are in. I have written articles, taught workshops, delivered keynotes, and written a book specifically on communication, and this is what I know:  I still get into situations in which I could allow the use of one word to either wreck or make my day.  The blessing is that I get to teach graduate students who are typically teachers who are hoping to become school leaders one day.  I try to model for them that their words matter.  Their written and verbal communication matter, immensely, to the general public. I use the example that, if a principal were to write the word "principle" when talking about themselves, the "ballpark talk" (as I refer to it when groups of parents talk about what they see going on in their children's school) is going to eat that principal alive.  I tell my students that I am trying desperately to save themselves from such a fate.  

What words carry heavy connotation to you?  "Social distancing"?  What about "woke"?  Do they offend you? Do they bolster you? 
 
I am so very hopeful that the people with whom I work know how very much their words mean to me.  When I teach a workshop filled with administrators or teachers, their feedback in post-session evaluations are taken straight to heart. Yes, there are outliers who say things like, "The coffee wasn't good. They should get Starbuck's next time", but I have learned to ignore the outliers and focus on the "mean", for the most part.  

What does it mean to you to "Mind Your Words"?  I would love to hear your thoughts.  And, by the way, when I say this, I truly mean those words I say:  I REALLY would love to read your comments. It helps me become a better communicator and thinker.  God bless you, Rev. Debra, for giving me such food for thought to dissect three simple words from your sermon.  I'd love to conclude by sharing a video that epitomizes this concept that words matter.  I use it in multitudes of workshops I teach.  

​

Happy Communicating to all,

Shelly

Yesterday, Dave and I returned from a week in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico, which I affectionately call my "happy place". Why? It is where the Sea of Cortez meets the Pacific Ocean, creating a tremendously gorgeous turquoise water color combined with massive waves (it is rarely okay to go swimming in the water, but it is perfect for sitting on the beach, sitting by the pool, or lying in bed with the doors open---listening to the crashing of the waves).  We got on the plane headed back to Tucson by way of Phoenix (don't ask), and within two minutes, we heard two couples griping at each other ("don't squish the hats!" "I wanted the window seat!" "Turn down the fan! It's blowing in my face" (okay, that last one might have come from me)).  Dave and I looked at each other, and whispered at the same time "Vacation is apparently over".  Certainly, most all of us have witnessed this same phenomenon at Disneyworld or Disneyland (you know, the happiest place on earth) when family members gripe at each other.  
Today's sermon was about kneeling before God and others while standing up for what we believe. But what do we believe?  What if my belief is different from your belief? It seems that, lately, that happens a great deal.  Families and friends that say they love one another argue vehemently about political figures, even saying nasty things to one another on Facebook or in person.  Loving God and our neighbors sounds pretty simple, but it apparently is not easy.  Simple but not easy.  Why?  Because, for some silly reason, we believe that if we say we are right, then you who hold a differing belief must be wrong.  I am but one voice, thought.  You may not agree with me, but I do have that one voice that is mine and mine alone.  I hope my voice is one of humility, but I believe that is not true, all the time. Why? I allow your voice that doesn't agree with mine to get my hackles up.  And then, somehow, you are no longer just unique in your perspective but you are wrong.  
What would happen if, instead of responding to one another's differing opinions with venom and ugliness, we simply responded with kindness and respectfulness?  "How can I kneel and stand at the same time?" was the theme of our dear Rev. Debra's sermon this morning.  Of course I have the right (and often a duty) to speak up with courage if a wrong is being done, but I pray with my heart and soul that I do that out of respect for others as human beings (after all, I think I am called to respect all humanity) instead of speaking to degrade someone else's beliefs?  In fact, I think others' views might simply be considered unique versus wrong.  Instead of arguing, what would be the problem with simply asking the other person whose views raise my hackles, "What is it about __________ that makes you uncomfortable?" or "What views about _______________ mesh with your own views about humanity?" OR.....I might even say Dave's and my favorite line for one another, "You know, you might be right about that" even if we might not totally believe it at the time.  In other words, how do I behave in relationship with those with whom I abjectly disagree?  
After all, the last I checked, God is God. I am not. I would, however, like to live in accordance with the way God would have me live----in harmony with my fellow man, with humility and integrity.  

What about you?

Happy Communicating!!

Shelly
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Yes, it's that time of year...the time during which we all talk about the things for which we are most thankful.  But why do we wait until Thanksgiving?  Why do we wait until the pilgrims tell us it's time to gorge ourselves and give thanks for all our friends and family (and maybe moving across the ocean to practice religious freedom)?  I think about what that must have been like to share their first harvest with the native Wampanoag tribe.  Imagine the dialogue:

Pilgrim 1:  Hey, we've got some corn we grew.  Want some?

Wampanoag 1:  If you give us some fruits and veggies, we'll give you some of our deer we just killed.  Do you guys even know what venison is?  

Pilgrim 2:  Well, we know a lot about tea, but hey, we're game to try some venison. *laughs at his own joke*

Wampanoag 2:  That's not really all that funny. I'm not sure this is going to work out so well.

Pilgrim 1:  Don't worry about him.  He's really never funny, but he has grown some grain that we could use to make some bread we could break together.

Wampanoag 1:  Your bread breaks?  *looks at Wampanoag 2* I'm not sure we want to share our deer with people who make bread that breaks.

Truthfully, I cannot even imagine what that must have been like.  I wonder if, when the pilgrims put out their hands to say a prayer of thanks, the Wampanoag were thinking, "We are going to have to use a serious amount of hand sanitizer after this."  

For what are you most thankful?  I kneel down on my little bedside stool every morning to thank God for the day ahead and ask Him to keep me serene for the day.  I'm thankful that, when I do that, I have a loving little girl Lab (L.C.) who lies down on the bed and puts her paws up next to my praying hands.  I like to think she really is praying with me.  It is a bit of a ritual I have been doing for approximately the last 22 years.  I have almost never missed a day, so while I don't really like calling it a mere habit, it truly is.  The problem?  Before our pandemic, I was traveling a lot for work.  Kneeling down on a hotel room carpet is not really conducive to serenity for a person with a bit of control freakiness and maybe a tiny bit of OCD.  But I couldn't compromise, or it would have been that much easier to lapse the next day, and even easier the day after that.  So, no matter if I have been in a tent on a safari in Africa, having to wake up at 3:30 in the morning to catch an early flight, or on vacation somewhere with Dave and the dogs, I still make it a priority.  

What is so important?  Everything!  I love sunshine; I love family and friends; I love the work I do, getting to teach at four universities; I love hearing what keeps teachers and administrators going even when the going gets tough; I love watching "Lucifer" on Netflix; I love movie theater popcorn; I am thankful for Jesus dying for my sins, and the hits just keep coming.  For what are you grateful?  Dave and I like to take a moment for every person at our Thanksgiving table to answer that question during the meal.  It is amazing the things we hear.  

Why not take a moment to kneel down during this Thanksgiving week (or sit, if your knees can't handle the kneeling) and thank God for all the earthly and spiritual things that bring your gratitude?

Happy Communicating and Happy Thanksgiving blessings to all!!

Shelly

...but be sure to put on hand sanitizer afterwards and then pass it on to the next person! 

    When Dave and I first moved to Niceville, Florida, where I was a substitute teacher, then a guidance counselor, then a principal, I began attending St. Jude's Episcopal Church.  The first Sunday service I attended, I felt as though I had come home.  These were my people; they were singing my songs; the youth were joking around with each other, etc.  I sat in the middle of the church, and I sang hymns I hadn't heard for a while (the "why" of this is a whole other blog for another day, I promise).  When we passed the sign of peace (shook hands, met some people, which Dave to this day still calls "halftime at the Episcopal church), the lady sitting in front of me turned around and said, "We must get you into the choir! You have a lovely voice."  Another parishioner asked me my name and what I did. I said that I was a middle school counselor.  The service went on, I loved the sermon, and then we all began to walk out.  "Not so fast!", Father Arnold (the priest) might have said.  He introduced himself to me before I had the chance to slip away, and he said, "I heard that you should be in the choir. I'll introduce you, in a moment, to our choir director.  But first, I also heard you were a middle school counselor.  We are in need of an extra middle school youth group advisor. Would you be interested in helping out?"  Ummm....no! You freaky people have already figured out that I can sing and that I like working with youth, but I was not planning on coming every Sunday!!  Wait, that's what I wanted to say, but somehow, my mouth opened and I said I'd be happy to meet the youth group director. And so began at least 10 more years of working as a youth group advisor alongside some of the best people I've ever known, and working with "youth" who I keep in touch with on a regular basis and have their own "youth" at home.  And the choir?  There I was, at choir practice the next Thursday, and in my choir robe the next Sunday.  Wow!  How did that happen?  I was invited.  Father Arnold knew how to find peoples' strengths and prey upon them (did I say that? I meant he knew how to grow a church with the talents of others).  ;)  Lo and behold, Dave and I have found that same blessing of a church here in Tucson:  a priest we adore (her sermons are truly God-given); a chance to lend a helping hand every Sunday for the last nine months so that we could keep "church" going; and people who want to be servants to the people around the Tucson area and beyond. 

I vowed, when I became a principal, that I would do exactly that---be a servant leader but also find other servants!  I would put the right people in the right positions, even if they didn't know what those might be at the time.  I pray that I did the right thing by most people.  Some crazy teachers even ASKED to be pushed out of their comfort zone. One first grade teacher came in one day, shut my door, and said, "I want to move next year."  I said, "Well, we may have an opening in 2nd grade."  "No", she answered. "I really want to move----to 5th grade."  And that she did.  She asked me to observe her and give her honest feedback about her questioning skills with that age group (it's tough going from teaching 1st graders to teaching 5th graders).  She wanted the feedback, though, and I love her to this day for that.  So many teachers show up in my dreams, even 8 years after I left that beautiful elementary school in Niceville, Florida (good dreams, not nightmares, by the way).  We had so much fun---doing Relay for Life, with a captain that directed us with a vengeance; putting on a Spring Fling festival with a PTO and front office group that had that sucker down to a fine art; cleaning up after such an event, laughing and having a joyous time picking trash; singing in the front office (just the secretaries and I) and so much more. 

I have been supremely blessed to be able to teach part-time at Trinity University this semester.  Trinity, in San Antonio, is my alma mater.  I feel that I have come full circle.  I want to be there full-time, but I have so much joyful other work I get to do with the Danielson Group, Grand Canyon University, Walden University, and my own business, as well until that time comes.  Working with schools and universities around the world is a gift----a true gift.  I get to lend a helping hand to them, while I am given so much by doing that work as well.  I was recently asked to lend a helping hand to interview an alumnus who is running his own business in Denver.  What a treat to be able to write a column for our Alumni Online Newsletter.  I'm so excited for another opportunity!!
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Yesterday, I was working on lesson plans for an upcoming webinar when I got a phone call.  One of the support staff with whom I used to work at the school where I was principal in Florida has been diagnosed with cancer, and the assistant principal thought I might be able to lend an ear and a shoulder and some words of comfort.  After all, my experience with breast cancer is nothing, if not a way in which I can pay it forward as was done to me by so many people who had walked that road before me.  We spent some time talking, crying, and laughing, and in the end....praying.  I couldn't stop crying as my worlds seemed to be colliding----getting a chance to love on people with whom I haven't spoken for 8 years---and getting to share some of my experience, strength, and hope.  My heart was light (though her burden is heavy) for the remainder of the day. Why?

Lending a hand works in mysterious ways.  When I help someone else, my life is blessed 10-fold.  Lending a hand?  That's what school should be all about.  That's what church should be all about.  That's what our country should be all about.  Now, why don't we start doing it?  I am blessed.  I pray you feel that way, too!!

Happy Communicating,

Shelly
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Today at church was the Blessing of the Pets.  Dave asked Rev. Debra if she could perform an exorcism on L.C. (our 6 month old Lab who is slightly spirited).  Without hesitation, Rev. Debra quipped, "I'd have to see what her demons are, first."  I love our priest so much!

As I talked about a couple of weeks ago, we sat in the vet's office with our sweet Rudy as she crossed over the Rainbow Bridge. I cried into her fur, even after she had taken her last breath and her heart beat for the last time; Dave whispered softly to her, "LN, K.C., M.E., B.J, and all the others will be there waiting for you, sweet girl" (which, by the way, made me explode into more bursts of tears).  So many people have asked us, "How can you do that? I can't be there when our dogs are put down. I just can't stand it."  Without any judgement whatsoever, Dave and I simply believe that our pups have been with us for so many years and have given us so much joy and love and faithful companionship, we couldn't bear to not be there for them in their last hours or moments of life.  I cannot hide behind my own tender feelings that might tempt me to let a loved one of ours cross that bridge without us.  

Well, I have found this same premise to be true as I have been listening to the audiobook of "White Fragility" by Robin DiAngelo, who discusses the fragile and often defensive nature of many of us to talk about issues surrounding racism.  While I run with L.C. in the morning, I listen to DiAngelo's words challenging me to examine why talking about racism would be more offensive than the act of racism itself.  I often begin to hide behind my own feelings by saying to myself: "I have friends of color"; "I dated several Latino boys"; "As a principal, I wouldn't tolerate the use of the 'n' word".  And then DiAngelo says something that makes me think, "I might not, in any way, be overtly racist, but in what ways am I working to make societal changes to help others understand that simply because someone marched in the 1960s Civil Rights marches doesn't change the fact that we can still lack the "racial stamina" to engage in tough conversations about race?" Yes, I remember many times, growing up, saying those words, "I'm color-blind. I don't see color".  Well, that is just ridiculous. Of course we see color.  We don't have the human capacity to be that objective.  The question in my mind, right now, is what does it mean when I see color?  How do I react?  Am I proud that I was raised in a city, in many neighborhoods, and in many schools in which most of my friends were of another race than I am?  Maybe, admittedly, I am.  But DiAngelo is challenging me to think about how I still had many advantages that my black friends did not, even though I can carry the "I grew up in a single-parent apartment without money to pay for field trips at times" flag.  Simply put, I was not immediately judged when I walked in a convenient store or a department store, so the truth is my color did hold some advantages for me, even if I felt "less than" sometimes.  The fact of the matter is, I truly believe that saying "Black Lives Matter" does not negate any of those toils and troubles with which I grew up. It simply means that our society is geared to give privilege to white people (we can go deeper down that label, if you'd like, privately), and we seem afraid to talk about it.  

What do you hide behind?  Fear of hurt feelings?  Fear of defensiveness?  Fear of being called a name you believe you have worked hard to overcome being called?  
Why do we have to hide?  Why don't we begin talking about the issues that keep our schools from showing equity? Why don't we begin talking about issues of inequality in all areas of society?  I'm willing, if you are.

Happy communicating!!

Shelly 

We've known it was coming for a long time.  Rudy, our oldest Lab, turned 12 in June, and for the last year or so, she had had multiple issues. After having some cancer cut out of her, one of her back legs started giving out on her, forcing her to sort of "bunny hop" with her back feet when she tried to trot.  In the last few weeks, she had developed more bumps and lumps that we had already decided we weren't going to diagnose, as we weren't going to put her through any more surgeries, anyway. She hated going in to the vet's office (or even Petco to get a de-thatching of her thick fur, for that matter), as it meant leaving us for a short bit.  After she started doing some even more odd things this past week, we decided it was time.  So, to say we weren't prepared for the inevitable would be a lie.  But those of you who are pet owners know this truth: it doesn't matter how long you've known it was going to be time to put a pup down, it still hurts so very much.  We were blessed to sit right next to her as they gave her a sedative to calm her down and then put the I.V. in to allow her to go over the Rainbow Bridge to see all her sisters who have gone before her.  
The great news is that Rudy taught us so many great life lessons, three of which I'll share here:
Listen to your loved ones:  ​ We have been working on listening to each other at church, during what I have mentioned is a time our priest has termed "For God's Sake, Listen!" It gives us the chance to hear other people's views without any arguing for your "rightness" or to try to convince anyone else of your own personal beliefs.  Rudy knew exactly how to get us to listen to her.  She had an uncanny knack for feeling what we were feeling. I almost banned Dave and Glenn (one of our dearest friends and Rudy's favorite uncle) from watching football together in our house. When they would yell at the television (because we all know the effectiveness of that strategy), Rudy would come directly over to Dave, and lift up his arm or hand (typically the one that was holding the remote control) for him to pay attention to her instead of that very disturbing t.v.  
Love one another as well as you can for as long as you can: Dave and I have often said that we believe that we were meant to love dogs unconditionally.  After all, we love each other and God, unconditionally.  Why not the pups we bring into our lives?  Rudy was a lover of people.  Dave and I used to say that K.C. (our 1st Lab and the one who sealed the deal that Labs were going to be the breed we got for the rest of our lives and who was the impetus for my first book ever published called "Letting Go of K.C.") was the one who taught us how to co-parent.  M.E. (our 2nd Lab) was more Dave's dog (so intuitive to his every move), L.N. (our 3rd Lab) was more my dog (she would sit with me for hours on a lounge chair outside and curl up behind my legs at night), and that Rudy was everyone's dog.  She loved every person with whom she came in contact.  This was not true about every dog she encountered, however.  When we first moved to Tucson, we needed to find a pet sitter or place to board our dogs when we went on our first trip.  We actually had to "interview" for one boarder.  She had us drop our three Labs off and leave them with her for a couple of hours.  We were worried about M.E., as she was a pretty skittish little Lab (my dear friend, Jil, used to call her "Foxy" as she moved around people like a fox, not sure who she should trust).  Instead, when we returned, the woman who ran the boarding place said, "All your dogs are fine to stay whenever you would like, but I just wanted to let you know that Rudy got really upset a couple of times."  "RUDY??!" Dave and I both exclaimed at the same time.  The woman replied, "Yes, I had them in the yard socializing with the other dogs, and Rudy almost snapped at Polly Esther {yes, really} when Polly tried to sniff Rudy".  Oh yeah....there was that.  Rudy simply did not like having her bottom sniffed. Who, really, could blame her for that?  Not I, my friends, not I.
Live life to the fullest: Even in her older age, Rudy absolutely loved when we took three week-long trips to the mountains of Ruidoso, New Mexico.  She would lie down on the deck or backyard of where we would stay, and just soak up the sun. While Kirby would yell at the deer who traipsed by, seeking grass around our place, Rudy would just watch them with her soulful, golden-brown eyes.  In her earlier years, she loved going hiking, as we would let the dogs off-leash (truthfully, she never needed a leash---she was a people person and knew who was going to feed her later that day).  Just a few weeks ago, we went back for her last trip.  On one hike we do, the dogs found their waterfall, and Rudy, even while she tripped a bit getting in, looked like a young pup, swimming and paddling around the pool of water at the base of the falls.  After a trek like that, she was perfectly content to lie on the back deck of a house we were staying in, just sleeping in the sunshine the remainder of the day.  
We've all likely heard the old adage, "You'll know it is time to put the dog down when they quit eating."  Not so for ANY of our Labs, and Rudy was no exception.  She was eating treats out of our hand as they gave her the "relaxation" shot yesterday morning.  She loved her food, she loved special treats, and she especially loved cow or pig ears.  And by "loved", I mean she devoured them with a fervor.  

We are missing Rudy something awful, and little things will likely remind us of her for many days, weeks and months ahead, but we are so very grateful for the time we had with her. 

I pray that you enjoy your animal friends as much as you possibly can for as long as you can.  And remember:  "dog" spelled backwards is "God".  We know Rudy is probably lifting up God's hand to get Him to pet her.  Nahhh......He likely is petting her anyway.  She's just that special.

Happy Communicating!!

​Shelly