​Make the World a Better Place
 
 
I suppose that, even if you haven’t seen the video of  Caitlyn (click on her name to view the video),   you have heard of this story or one similar to it.  It’s all about the willingness to trust again, to me.  After having been through something so devastating as having your mouth taped shut to the point of massive injury, can you trust again?  I just attended a meeting this morning, where nearly 75 men and women talked about the need to find a belief in a power greater than themselves after going through some kind of horrible time (addiction, jail, hospitalization for mental illness, etc.).  I think there are a couple of keys to surviving a devastating experience.
 

1.  Willingness to believe in something better:  Many people get trapped in the “I want to have my own pity party” syndrome, and sometimes, we even play the martyr because we want to have some attention from our tormented past.  When we are going through tough times, it is natural and normal to perhaps want and need some attention.  The problem arises when we sit down in a sandbox full of dog poo and we want to wallow around in it.  Not an appetizing analogy, is it?  But consider how true it is:  we actually stay in our own mess because getting out of it requires a conscious choice on our part to do something different.  “Hmmm…this poo is disgusting, but at least it’s warm and I am familiar with it.”  YUCK.  Caitlyn, the dog in that video, could have curled up and never run and played again, instead choosing to ignore the “what could be”s.  But nope, the minute she got the opportunity to run and enjoy freedom, she takes it.  We could learn a bunch from her.  In our workplaces, do we ever adopt the attitude that someone hurt our feelings once; therefore, I am going to close my door and not socialize with anyone ever again.  We have a choice, everyday, to make something better for our lives.

2.Resilience, complete with a sense of humor:  My first teaching job was teaching students with emotional/behavior disorders.  Many of those students lived in extreme poverty, complete with parents who did/sold drugs and some who were prostitutes.  And I was supposed to teach them to love reading?? Exactly.  As soon as I stopped focusing on the problems they had and started focusing on what I could do to help them enjoy reading (and math and their futures), things changed.  We began by reading “Indian in the Cupboard” together and, after I hung up a cupboard, in which I would daily put items that related to the next chapter we were reading, they began to focus on making predictions, analyzing story lines and much more.  When I later got my degree in Counseling, I began reading a great deal about resilience.  How can someone who has seen a parent murdered ever have a “normal” life?  Frederic Flach wrote volumes on this topic and  addressed some of the factors that contribute to resilience, namely:
a. One person with whom you can trust (a mentor or spiritual advisor)
b.Humor
 

1. Ability to forgive, if not to forget:  Let’s be honest.  After what Caitlyn, the dog from the video, went through, it would be hard to forgive the owner who did that to her.  Apparently, the owner is in custody.  But the point is:  do we let the horrible devastation that happened to us define us?  We have a choice to do something and be something better.  Forgiving someone for hurting us deeply may be a big task, but I think we have to choose between holding a resentment  so tightly, it becomes a burden to us.  Resentments are too heavy.  That doesn’t mean I will not be cautious around people for awhile, nor does it mean Caitlyn will not cower upon meeting new people for awhile.  What it really means is we can’t allow fear and hate to define us if we want to continue to grow and prosper.

 
Just for today, perhaps we can learn a life lesson from Caitlyn’s story.  How will you live your life after a tough time?  How will you go on to be an example of strength to others?
 
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Happy Communicating!
 
Shelly

I am extremely excited to be teaching two classes for Masters' and Doctoral students at an online university this semester.  One of the courses in called Collaborative Communication and we have been talking this week about leadership styles.  We watched a video depicting a Superintendent who is conducting a meeting with several school leaders and my students then had to choose a point of view from which to comment about the video.   To whose leadership style do you most relate?  It made me think about my own biases and particularly about how I want to be treated by "my boss".

Just take a moment and think about all the people for whom you have worked over your lifetime (some of us have shorter lists than others, depending up our wrinkles---I mean, depending upon our experience).  Do you prefer direct and to-the-point or do you prefer someone who just leaves you alone completely and lets you do your own thing?  Do you prefer someone with a sense of humor or do you believe bosses should be seen and heard from only when completely necessary?  

I have had the privilege of having some really great employers in my lifetime---an assistant superintendent who was willing to say "I'm sorry---I think I could have handled that better" and then did handle something better the next time I needed him.  I also worked for a principal once who never darkened the door to my classroom.  He always said, "You know what you are doing with those kids who have behavior disorders.  You don't need me to interfere."  What I'm not sure he knew is that I craved feedback.  I wouldn't have considered it interference in any way.  One other employer for whom I once worked had some really great knowledge and skills but was socially inept in many ways, making it very difficult to know where I stood at any given time.

Which do you consider more important?  A leader's character or their competence?  This was one of the questions I asked teachers when I research teacher trust in principals in my doctoral studies.  What I found out was that they seem to be pretty evenly valued---we want someone with integrity but we also value our leaders' wisdom and skills.  

I'd love to hear from you --- what leadership qualities do you value the most?  
Please take a moment to share those with me in the Comments section of my blog.  

Just for today, take a moment to be thankful for all the great leaders you have had in your life and say a prayer of thanks if you no longer are working for any of those leaders you might find lacking the best qualities. 

Happy Communicating!

Shelly
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While in Hawaii last week for Thanksgiving (I was thankful I was in Hawaii, where it was warm), we got a chance every couple of days to walk down to the Hilton resort to watch the dolphins.  You know the deal...you can get in and play with the dolphins, be a dolphin trainer for the day, OR....you can not pay a dime and you can sit on the grass next to the lagoon and watch everyone else for free!!  
Here are the lessons I learned from the dolphins:
Smile---Okay, maybe that is an anthropomorphism, but they do seem to be so happy all the time.  Have you ever watched a grumpy dolphin?  In our workplaces, maybe it sometimes feels like there is nothing to smile about.  But have you ever just smiled even when you didn't feel like it?  Smiling makes you feel better---watch one of those baby laughing videos or a video of puppies learning to swim and maybe you won't be able to help yourself.  Have you heard the claim that kids laugh between 300 - 400 times a day, while adults only laugh 14 - 18 times a day?  I have worked in schools where adult laughter filled the halls because of relationships among the staff members.  Lance might tell a funny joke or Vicki might tell us something funny her kids said and in no time, we are all cracking up.  I want to always work and live in an atmosphere like that.  

Have fun with your work--- As we sat and watched the dolphins one morning, we noticed that if they had a "free" moment, they would still play.  They might chase one another around the lagoon, they might repeatedly jump out of the water, they might throw balls at trainers, but whatever it was, they seemed to enjoy life.  I want to always live like the dolphins and enjoy my life and my work.  The Serenity prayer helps me remember I can't control every little thing that happens to me in my life, but I can ask God for the peace to allow me to be serene no matter what is thrown at me.  In the workplace, especially in schools, my peace can either rub off on others, including children, or my anxiety can rub off on people.  Which would you choose?  I choose peace every time I am asked, and yet somehow we allow anxiety to leak out of our pores and spread to others like wildfire.  Deep, cleansing breaths can help and just finding a moment to be still can also help.  

Relationships really do matter  Have you ever seen the dolphins with their trainers?  They are hovering around the trainers, waiting to find out how they can be of service, next. (and yes, it is possible, they are also begging for fish, but leave my analogy alone and write your own blog if you wish.  :)  When asked to hug or be still so kids around them can touch their skin and kiss their mouths, they are always ready to do whatever is asked..  I want to have that servant's heart, at all times.  I think teachers and educational leaders are prone to that mentality, anyway, for the most part (you know some anomalies and so do I), but to truly have that ever-present desire to do for others is not always easy.  Relationships with others make the difference between feeling burdened and feeling uplifted by our work.  I choose to feel uplifted most days, but that doesn't mean it is an easy feat.  

Just for today, perhaps we can take notes from the dolphins and smile, build relationships, and have fun at our work.  

Happy Communicating!!

​Shelly