Twenty-five years ago, I made a significant change that altered my life pretty much forever. Dave and I had been married for six years and he has been totally supportive of the change. I have been sober and serene for 25 years, as of today.
     But wowee, I could not have done it alone. I have had the perfect spiritual advisor (I call them sponsors) for each season of these years....as they gave me exactly what I needed just when I needed it. My first sponsor, Margaret, walked me through the steps, and she never (not once) would have co-signed my bull-crap. She moved years later to another state, and I had to find someone else to guide me. Ugghhhh....have I mentioned I do not love change most of the time?  Ellie, however, was like Mother Earth to me.....it seemed all the woodland creatures gathered around her, and I was blessed to be one of them. She loved fiercely, and she had an amazing story. She passed away a couple of years ago, but before she passed away, Dave and I had moved to Tucson, where I found a pretty lovely lady who sponsored me for awhile. Lisa has a heart of gold, and is always trying to better herself and grabs onto healthy habits that I tried to emulate many times. Moving back to my homeland of Texas and building the home of our dreams was so much fun, but it was also pretty stressful stepping into new situations and not actually getting to do what I truly believed I was going to do once we moved here. I needed a sponsor and spiritual advisor who would listen to my honest story of where I was in my sometimes lack of serenity and confidence. Denise has been my rock, and I am so very blessed that she happens to go to the same church Dave and I go to.  She reminds me that when I worry about "stuff", I am simply "borrowing trouble", and wow! she is exactly what I need right now, as I begin my 26th year of sobriety. She had an amazing career, and she helps me understand how, despite how VERY important my career still is to me, that is what I do....it is not solely who I am. I am so much more than what I do.....but I still have trouble separating ME from MY CAREER.  
     I am such a people pleaser because I truly care what my university students think about me, and I will bust my ass to help any one of them who shows the desire to grow as well. My theory is "Once my student (at the master's level, doctoral level, or any of my students or workshop participants I've ever taught in my life)....always my student". I love keeping in touch with my students, and all I can think is that I would never be able to do what I do (teaching Educational Leadership students, doctoral students, or teachers/principals all over the world) without the support of all the mentors I have had in my life who have helped me continue to grow. I continue to want to learn right along with any of my "students"----I'll hop on a webinar with students who want to do a book study; I'll talk with teachers' unions about their concerns about observations and evaluations they worry will be done in a "gotcha" format; I'll answer questions my students have at 5:00 in the morning because I know what it is like to be immobilized if you don't know what to do next on an assignment that will be due in two days; and I will discuss and debate with people who have misconceptions about how amazing public school is and how teachers are doing their darndest with so much flack from people who often don't understand what they are doing and what they are really doing to help students of today become adults of tomorrow who Dave and I would be proud to have taking care of us in whatever assisted living facility (or maybe even at our home---please?) we wind up, someday.  
     Am I proud? Yes, AND I am humbled. For me, it's not an either/or deal. In the past 25 years, I've experienced some of the most amazing parts of my life (other than meeting and marrying Dave, of course, which happened 6 or 7 years before that), but quite honestly, we've weathered some of the most challenging aspects of our lives in these past 25 years as well:  I've lost my mom; I was diagnosed with breast cancer and had to have a double mastectomy (and oophorectomy, and....and....and....just because it was estrogen-fed); we've lost Dave's mom and dad; we've lost some of the best Labrador Retrievers to cancer and other issues; and I've recently lost one of the dearest soul-sisters I've ever had in my entire life...BUT, despite all of that (and so much more), I have a fellowship of fellow travelers who are walking this path with me (some have not made it; others have opted to go out and do some more research for those of us who stick around). I am grateful....forever grateful. 
     Next Sunday, we will become members of the Episcopal church we have been attending in Boerne, Texas (about 30 minutes away from our dream home we built in the hill country of Texas about 18 months ago), and I cannot seem to quit getting teary-eyed when I think of how grateful I am for finding a church home in which we worship, sing, listen to amazing sermons, and then talk about the service for the next week. That, to Dave and me, is pretty much the epitome of what it means to worship. Have I mentioned I am grateful? Our two Labs, L.C. and Kirby, are living their best life as they get to run off-leash most always twice a day----chasing deer, armadillos, turkey, and each other. When I am not traveling for work, I get to sit in the backyard and listen to the birds (and silence; there is always silence), go to noon meetings, read books for pleasure, and see some of the best friends I've ever had (getting together with Denise and Mike and going on double-dates (even if they are to Cabo San Lucas) sure doesn't suck) and having my Texas family (including my almost-5 -year-old niece) close enough that my niece can stay the night with us and curl up and watch Scooby-Doo and eat popcorn with M&Ms is pretty special. Yep, life is pretty damn good. I could complain about the traffic on 1604 but life is way too good!! 
     Quite honestly, life is only this beautiful because of this 25 year milestone. I'm by no means perfect, but life is pretty perfect.
I pray it is for you, too!
Happy Communicating!
Shely

     I always feel like it is truly a Godwink when circumstances collide, and a potential blog topic that has been tickling my brain continues to gain traction with each passing day as something new gets added to the mix.  Today was the culmination of one of those times for me.  This week, I was in Detroit, working with school leaders at a small district. I made nametags the night before the training with their first names on them (and one for me, as well, although I have one of those fancy-shmancy metal ones with the title, etc.). As I met them, I gave them their nametag and within a few minutes, I didn't need the nametags anymore, as I had committed their names to memory.  Make no mistake----I have no lack of things taking up brainspace and memory space, but I have always tried to make room for names, as they are so important to me.  When I was a guidance counselor and then principal at an elementary school with around 550 - 575 students, I made sure I knew every student's name.  Why?  The easiest one-word answer I could give you is "relationships" but another, more practical, reason is because it made a big difference to say, specifically, "Joseph, come over here for a minute, please. Remember when we talked about running in the hallway, last week? What were a couple of reasons we said it was better to walk?" instead of a global, "Hey! Hey! Hey! Quit running in the hallway!" to random students. Names helped the students know they were seen, heard and known. It had the same effect on bus drivers, to be honest (not that I was asking them to stop running in the hallway, I might add).  Often, participants with whom I work in school districts all over the world will say, "How do you remember names?" to which I often answer, "I think it's about why more than how, as I can't really explain how I do it but the reason I do it helps make it happen. I know that it builds relationships where there were previously people who simply didn't know each other."  
     So, this week, the administrators and I talked about the importance of calling people what they want to be called in an effort to build rapport with them (whether we are talking about school leaders to staff or from teachers to students). Many of us have experienced the "oops" that comes when we mispronounce someone's name, and I can say that it is something I swear I won't do twice. Names matter, as they are typically the first thing we know about someone new whom we meet.  Even though I teach online courses to Grand Canyon University students (teachers who are getting their master's degree in Educational Leadership), I still ask my students what they want me to call them. I simply want to honor the fact that Matthew might prefer Matt, even though I might never see him in person. 
     Also, this week, one of my friends posted something on Facebook about how her German Shepherd has a myriad of names he is called....nicknames, even though "Chief" is a perfectly great name in and of itself.  I started laughing, as our Labs are Kirby and L.C., but we call Kirby about 10 different nicknames depending on what we are saying to him (and L.C. is the same way).  I was thinking about how we do the same with loved ones....call them different names for different occasions----Dave is "Sweetie", especially when I need him for something. Now that I have planted that thought in your head, what are some of the names you call loved ones that have nothing (or very little) to do with their given name? What is the reason behind that, do you think?  My hunch is that, over time, the relationship with our loved ones has become so deeply ingrained, we have come up with new ways to think about them. If names are the beginning to the relationship, then how much has the relationship morphed when the names are morphed?
     When I first begin teaching a course at Grand Canyon (or I get a new student teacher) or I get a new doctoral student at Walden University, I am Dr. Arneson. But, over time, I become Dr. A, Dr. Mom (yes, I love that one, too), Dr. Shelly, etc. But what has really changed besides the name? The kicker, I believe, is that the relationship has morphed into something more profound and, yes, more vulnerable (in the sense that we can be more open, honest, comfortable, and yes, sometimes even more "loving" with one another as the relationship grows).  So yesterday, one of the students in a course that is ending in three more days, wrote a discussion post (that is public not just to me but to her classmates, as well) that said, in part, "After week one, I was close to giving up. First assignment I didn’t get a great score. Thanks to Dr. Arneson meeting with me on Zoom, I was able to get an understanding of her expectations, and we built trust in being able to communicate throughout the course. Setting up that first meeting required me to be self aware that if I continued this way, I was not going to pass the class." Wow! Just wow!! This is a student who I now believe has everything it takes to become an amazing school leader. Why? She was not afraid to be vulnerable----not just in the act of asking to talk to me about her grade, but being WILLING to do what it takes to take a sincere look at her work.....not to mention being brave enough to share all of this with the rest of her class of 21 students. 
     It should not, then, have come as a surprise to me that the sermon in church today had to do with Jesus knowing us by name and all the names we call God and Jesus.  Names are, after all, the beginning of the relationships that continue to grow and transform us.  We talked in a small group after church today about what parishioners call Episcopal clergy (Father, Mother, Reverend, first names, etc.) and the reasons for those names. 
     Just for today, consider what names mean to you, what you call your closest friends and loved ones (including the four-legged ones), and why.  
      Happy Communicating!
Shelly (just Shelly is perfectly fine, by the way)

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