Dave taught me this years ago. I would often get frustrated with businesses who I felt like should read my mind.  I would go in and complain to a business for messing up an order.  Dave began asking me, "What do you want? Whatever you want, you should ask for it."  Hmmm....what a novel idea.  
So, I think I began learning a really good lesson.  Ask! And, even better yet, ask nicely.  Now that really is a novel idea, apparently, if you watch people up at the airline gates speaking to gate agents.  I witness people yelling at those poor gate agents or even at flight attendants (about a flight that is going to get in late) for the potential of missing connecting flights (as if the flight attendants could make the plane go any faster!).   
     Speaking of flights, I am traveling for work this week.  I had booked my flights a couple of months ago.  Apparently, my bozo move was that I booked one of the flights a day too early (actually, the day I will be working with a school district)----oops! I just realized that yesterday.  I decided to call and see what we could do to get the flight moved forward a day.  The agent I spoke with said, "You can, but it will add $1000 to your cost."  WHAT???!  I almost screamed that to her.  Instead, I said, "I am truly a loyal customer.  I'm hopeful you can take pity on my idiocy and find out if we can get that change done without charge."  She said, "Let me go check with our pricing department" and off she went. Five minutes later, she came back and told me it was all done with no charge. She asked me to refresh my application and see if it was good.  I looked, and I joked with her, "Oh wait, it looks like I am going to Jamaica now."  She said, "Oh no, wait!" and then I said, "Just kidding...it's all good."  She started cracking up, and we both laughed, and then I said, "You are a rockstar! I would send you to Jamaica if I could".  She was so grateful she could help, and I was certainly grateful for her help.  
     When we went to Hawaii a couple of weeks ago, one of the places we stayed was absolutely beautiful.  It also had a couple of issues, such as a non-working microwave and a sliding screen door that did not slide.  We reported the issues to the management company that, by the way, did nothing to help out ("We'll try to get someone out there in two or three days"---we were only there a week).  I emailed the lady who owned the property, and I simply told her that her place was just lovely but we were having troubles getting the management company to help us out.  We asked if she might be able to help us coordinate with them, and she did so much more than that.  She refunded a bunch of money to us and apologized profusely for their negligence. 
     I think I have realized how much people appreciate customers being kind.  Simply asking instead of griping is the difference that it takes to sometimes get exactly what you want...and more! Instead of being resentful, we end up being pleasantly surprised many times.  Thanks, Dave, for your words of wisdom that help me not only get better things in life but they make me BE better in my life. 
     I am going to go ask Dave (nicely, of course) if he will scratch my back where I just had some stitches put in this week for a minor procedure. I am sure he will do it if I say "Pretty please".  
Happy Communicating!
Shelly
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     I was working with educators and educational leaders this week on the culture of trust in their schools, and one of my participants made fun of me, because I had called on her to answer a question, saying, "Jenna, I can tell you have something you want to say."  She asked me how I knew. I said, "From my vantage point, I can tell when someone has something they are mulling over or that they want to say but aren't sure whether they should say it or not. The kicker is how to make people feel like it's a safe enough environment in which to say what's on their minds."  Heads nodded, and I realized it's so similar to what I used to see in my own classrooms when I was a teacher (or when I taught character education lessons to classes as a guidance counselor or principal)----you could always tell when a student had something they wanted to say from the look in their eyes.  
     And so it goes with air travel, as well, I have found.  Have you ever watched the gate agents when you and your fellow passengers haven't yet boarded the flight, and the flight is scheduled to leave in 10 minutes (Newsflash:  it is NOT leaving in 10 minutes if this is the case)?  Just watch their eyes as they look out into the concourse---they are likely looking and waiting for a flight crew (or a member of the flight crew) to show up so they can begin boarding.  If they are looking toward the jetbridge, they are likely looking for someone to call them to tell them it is okay to start boarding the flight.  If they are looking at each other then back to the intercom, they are trying to figure out who is going to break the news to us that our plane has maintenance issues and many of us are not going to make our connecting flight in Chicago (or Atlanta or Dallas or wherever that hub is for your particular airline).  
     I love watching eyes.  Dave has only to pick up the mail key for our bank of mailboxes in our rental house neighborhood, and Kirby (our 5 year old Lab/Clumber Spaniel mix) makes eye contact with Dave to ensure that his hunch is correct---they we are, indeed, going to go for a quick walk to get the mail. I think it is so adorable.  When we had K.C. (our first Lab who we said "broke the mold" for all Labs since), Dave would look up at the ceiling, and K.C. would track his eyes, looking for what could possibly be drawing his attention to the ceiling.  It was so precious.  
     I've asked my participants in online workshops to please turn on their video cameras so we can all see each others' faces and eyes.  I don't do it for any other reason than except for the fact that I know that people are more engaged when they can see one another (the pandemic certainly pointed that out to teachers everywhere).  
      What do you see in the eyes of others?  Please share, as I would love to hear your thoughts.  
      Happy Communicating!

​Shelly