As most of you know, I totally use this blog to combine my education career, my spiritual life, marital life (with my sweet Dave, my husband of over 31 years), and communication about life, in general. This is definitely going to be a combination post. While Dave and I have been in Tucson this month, we both have had a great chance to get together with dear friends and family (mutually and separately), and the Labs have gotten to sniff on old and new plants (L.C. was pretty young when we moved to Texas from Tucson). Dave has been able to golf with some of his old buddies, and I have been able to get together with some of my dear spiritual partners many times. What has changed for us, mostly, is where we worship. It was really hard for us when we moved to Texas from Tucson as we had gotten SO close to our dear Episcopal priest (she has since "retired" and moved to Santa Fe). We were so afraid we would be unable to find a church in our area that would "feed our souls" as much as we had been fed in Tucson. We thought it would be so hard. Ummm.....the first church we went to was the one we still attend three years later and have become members. It wasn't hard to find....our worry MADE it hard. I was also worried I would not feel "church connected" while we spent a month out here. Dave and I have attended "couch church" the last few weeks, which is what we call attending our Boerne, Texas church online. For those of you who "celebrate" (that is SO not the right word, but stick with me) Lent, you know that Ash Wednesday is a pretty important day, and this past Wednesday gave me the blessed opportunity to go to get ashes and celebrate communion with one of my dearest spiritual partners. Genesis 3:19 is a pretty important verse during that service, as we are reminded that we are "but dust, and to dust we shall return". Part of it, to me, is kind of saying, "You're not all that and a bag of doughnuts; God is". Once I left the service (during which time we are supposed to be silent and meditative and contemplative, by the way), I had to call one of my very dearest friends who used to worship with me in Niceville, Florida and is now an Episcopal priest in NYC. She makes me laugh as hard as almost anyone else in the world. When she answered the phone, she said, "I am so busy but I had to pick up because I knew you were calling about 'butt dust'." Yep, for over twenty years, we have laughed out loud (never, ever could we sit together in a Lenten service, which is convenient because I just attend and she preaches, now) about the 'but dust', because if it doesn't make you laugh to think about being "butt dust", I will order you a sense of humor for Easter. It is not hard to find joy even during Lent, when there is fasting and taking on of new and improved habits, especially when you hang with the right people. This morning was the first Sunday of Lent, and Jamie, our dear Episcopal priest, talked about how we simply don't like or want things to be hard. But, in a way, we somehow need hard work to get to the good stuff. It reminded me of a workshop I was teaching a couple of months ago, during which I was teaching school leaders observation skills that would help their teachers. One of the principals said, "This is really hard work!", and before I could respond, another principal answered, "Only if we do it right". YES!! It would be easy to observe and evaluate teachers with just pencil-whipping the process, but what would they learn? For that matter, what would WE learn about ourselves and about how to communicate effectively and improve our own teaching practice? I was blessed again to be able to teach in a school district north of Chicago this week, and before the session started (it was an afternoon session after early release for students), several teachers brought their own "comfy" chairs in (while I was setting up the room) to switch out for the hard, cold, metal ones that were at each table. See....no one wants to be uncomfortable....and I get that!! Why can't all chairs be comfortable? The work we did Friday afternoon was hard work, for sure, but despite that, these teachers laughed, shared ideas, and stayed engaged until 3:20 in the afternoon! Hard work can also be fun work, I think. Lent is 40 days.....I am planning to do some fasting, some processing, and some being vulnerable by looking inside and outside myself. After all, the work I do in education, marriage, my spirituality, and particularly in my communication is HARD.....but only if I do it right...and remember that I am "but(t) dust". :) Happy Communicating! Shelly
1 Comment
I've been thinking about SuperBowl (not the actual football game that sports fans are watching but ALL the things that surround this day) Sunday, and I am amazed that a game like this could cause so many outrageously angry and ugly comments (90% of which are not even about the game itself!) from people on Facebook, in person, and on video. I guess I shouldn't be amazed, truly, since so much of what I do for a living (including traveling through crowded airports and disgruntled travelers) puts me in positions to watch the meltdowns of people. We've all seen videos (or firsthand experiences) that show rage in airports, on highways, at gas stations, etc. I have always been the person who wants to say, "I think what ______ is trying to say is....." to try to defuse the situation. Only once have I had someone tell me not to get involved and I strongly suspect it was because they weren't finished reading the other person the riot act. In other cases, people might say, "Oh! I didn't get that" and hopefully stop the feuding right there. If you don't like one of the football teams, great. Why not say something about the team you DO like instead of disrespecting the other team. And, as for the rest of the celebrities (will Taylor make it back from Tokyo on time?), players, venue, millions of dollars spent on commercials, etc., what would today look like if we simply cheered for the people we care about instead of spending more time griping about those they don't like (even "hate", which I despise hearing)? I love it when people can simply agree to disagree. If you like Travis and Taylor, great. If you don't, maybe use the Thumper's motherly advice: If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. When Dave and I moved back from Tucson to Texas, I joined a Facebook group that is run by the dad of the AMAZING guy who cleans our windows. The purpose of the group? Everyone is asked to share their favorite Thai restaurants or maybe the best restaurant for a romantic dinner. Unbelievable (well, actually it is believable, because I watch it happen every single day) as it is, people say the ugliest things for such a "softball" topic. Some people end their post with something like: "Looking forward to your 'best taco' restaurants....and, go!" The responses are anywhere from "Go to Mary's Taco House if you like freshly made tortillas" (yea!) to "I'm not going to GO anywhere. Stop with the stupid 'and go!' comments" (really? does that bug you that much?) to "The best tacos are at my own house. Sorry! You're out of luck". Ummmm....how about simply not answering if you are going to be a part of the problem and not the solution. The same thing happens with "Nextdoor" or any other app. Somehow, we humans can make the nastiest comments out of the most mundane topics. For example, someone may ask where they could get their new puppy trained. The answers are astounding, and all I can think is I do not want those people anywhere near Kirby and L.C. because there is always someone who will say something like, "If you don't know how to train a puppy, you shouldn't own a dog." Really? How is that helpful? Ummmmm....it's not. On the flipside, I do not believe that forum is appropriate to talk politics, to ask for money, or to use as a singles match-up place (and, as usual, I will say, "Thank God I have Dave"). Years ago, I was about to walk into a meeting full of friends of Bill W. (If you know, you know; if not, suffice it to say I was in a meeting of people who were working on being better people). Outside in the parking lot, two of my favorite old-timer guys were arguing loudly about candidates for an upcoming election. Each had their own very important points they wanted to make about how their "man" was the best "man" for the job. At 7:00 p.m., the meeting started, and you would have thought those two guys were the best of friends. There was no malice, only head nods when the other spoke about the main reason we were at that meeting (which was decidedly and most definitely NOT about politics). At one point, John (may be a pseudonym or not; you'll never know, will you?) was talking about how he and his wife sometimes get in disagreements (What????? How could that happen???). John said, "We have learned now, that when we get into those types of arguments, one of us simply turns to the other and says, 'You might be right about that', and then the argument has no place to go." I can honestly say that was a turning point for Dave's and my marriage that we can simply say, "You might be right" (I admit we do jokingly sometimes add a whispered "You're wrong but let's pretend you're right") and it takes the wind out of the argument's sails. I'm so grateful that I can simply scroll past ugly posts on Twitter (now X), Facebook, NextDoor, and even the San Antonio Restaurants and wind up a lot happier than if I jumped into the fray. So, just for today, enjoy the SuperBowl or stick to the PuppyBowl to be safe. Happy Communicating! Shelly For the last 25 or 26 years, I have been doing a morning ritual that entails kneeling down by my bed (when I am traveling, I still do it only because I know I'm about to get in the shower to get ready for work) with two Yellow Lab noses trying to nose my nose, and I pray. I no longer pray for "things" or even necessarily my circumstances to change. I have a firm belief that God has a pretty good idea of what is going to happen to me and my loved ones, already. No, the prayers are for me. While that, on the surface, likely sounds pretty shallow, I know that, for me, helps keep me disciplined and ready to do what God has asked me to do: love Him, love my neighbors (including Dave, of course, as he has been my "neighbor" for 31+ years), and spread love when possible.
The next thing I do (75% of the time, honestly, I'm good at this; 25% of the time, I am either late or a day behind) is to read passages from three prayer and meditation books. Why three? I have three separate sets of prayer partners with whom I am accountable for sharing what I think about the reading for the day and truly reading and taking in what is going on with them. On this note, Dave and I are spending some time this month in Tucson (from where we moved away from to come back to Texas three years ago). Yesterday, I got a chance to go to a great meeting of people who also want to keep their side of the street clean, and I got to sit next to my dear Becky and Deb, who are my prayer partners for one of my readings. Of course, I am skipping over all the gymnastics we go through to feed the dogs, take them on a walk down to the river park in our neighborhood (where our youngest Lab, L.C. (Elsie) chases deer like she wants to become one) or in the neighborhood where we are renting here in Tucson, and figure out what else we have to do for the day. Here's what I DON'T do, upon awakening. I will not verbally (or in written form) spar with someone just because they are looking forward to a good argument. In my adult years, I have learned to say my piece, listen to others', and hopefully leave as friends and family, still. One thing I also try to do is avoid people in my life who do not fill my bucket. Whether that is someone I work for or with, someone on Facebook who is saying totally disrespectful things, or even someone who just ranted to the gate agent that he was going to sue her for not getting him out of ________ (fill in the blank with any city---I've seen in happen in many of them). I have a firm belief that I might not want to stick my nose in where it doesn't belong (we're trying to teach Kirby that he likely shouldn't try to get down in the hole where an armadillo just slipped into), I also feel the need to speak for those who don't always speak up. On that note, I typically keep my head down while I am working, as I LOVE the work I do (teaching teachers and school leaders about how to get better in our craft), but I am going to shout from the rooftops and sing a "Hallelujah!" if someone I've watched move on from being my "boss", especially when they are deceitful, two-faced, and lacking skills in areas we most need them right now. In cases like this, I am hopeful I get the chance to say what I truly believe, which is "How you do anything is how you do everything". And, on the same note, if there is someone I believe who not only has the "more than uber-competent skillset" but also the character to back up his work, I pray I can be of service to somehow do my small part to get them in that leadership role that has been vacated. My dear friends, family, and colleagues will more than likely know that I will say what I believe, even if it somehow takes me out on a teetering limb. Educators deserve our very best, so I won't ever apologize for that. How do you wake up and how do you use your day for good? Happy Communicating to all of you, Shelly So much negativity is talked about via social media, on the TV, at dinner parties, and even at church. I've always wondered how the negative news travels faster than good news. How often do my "L.C. chasing butterflies" videos get traction versus the political memes (and so many others)? In other words, am I making every day pure drudgery or am I becoming new? And what does that really mean....becoming new? For me, it means basically the same thing that the Serenity Prayer has taught me throughout most of my adult life. God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference (Attributed to Reinhold Niebuhr, Lutheran theologian (1892–1971)). My problem is simply getting out of my own way. I have a choice to believe that God has good things ahead for me, and when I stay focused on that, I really can't go wrong (I get down on my prayer stool by my bed (or on the likely dirty carpet at my hotel when I am traveling) and say a prayer that finishes with the Serenity Prayer), especially since I believe God calls me to be a person who can walk among people and possible share some goodness. I talked in a blog this year about how I made a vow last year (and I'm not stopping it just because it's a new year) to always thank the gate agents who are helping us board. Boy, do they catch a lot of flack! And it would be amusing to watch someone yell at the gate agent about the weather that is delaying, except I know that is not all they are blamed for. I am actually surprised at their surprise when I say, "Thanks for all you're doing, and I pray you have a great rest of your day." You know who else needs to hear all that and more? Educators and educational leaders....they are on the frontline of some mighty big negativity right now, and I will likely preach it up until my last breath, "There likely wouldn't be people in most occupations without teachers". I love that thought. We all can remember that favorite teacher who could even make an apathetic reader begin loving books; we can remember the favorite teacher who wrote little notes on a student's desk when she saw the 5th grade student was struggling with parents going through a really nasty divorce (oh wait, that's me, and that teacher was Claudia Edgerton and I keep up with her via Facebook, still); we can also likely remember the teacher we disliked the most who might have made us want to prove our worth to them and to the world. I'm not going to lie....I have a passion for teaching (mostly adult learners now, but I get to be in schools and in classrooms all the time) that never seems to lose its awesome power. I have made a pact with God, with Dave, with any participants in workshops I teach, and with myself that when I lose that "ooomph" for teaching, I will stop. I want to always be the person who brings the light to a dark place. Indeed, we have tough times we have to go through at times, but another one of my favorite prayers (that has been attributed to St. Francis of Assisi but not ever found in his works) is: Lord, make me a channel of Thy peace; that where there is hatred, I may bring love; that where there is wrong, I may bring the spirit of forgiveness; that where there is discord, I may bring harmony; that where there is error, I may bring truth; that where there is doubt, I may bring faith; that where there is despair, I may bring hope; that where there are shadows, I may bring light; that where there is sadness, I may bring joy. Lord, grant that I may seek rather to comfort, than to be comforted; to understand, than to be understood; to love, than to be loved. For it is by self forgetting, that one finds. It is by forgiving, that one is forgiven. It is by dying, that one awakens to Eternal Life. My prayer for you today is that you find something in your life about which to be completely, nutso-crazy, passionate about and DO it!! Happy Communicating, Shelly One of my favorite things to do in life is to analyze things. Even in the children's sermon, I so badly try to make sense of what is in the message for me....on that day....in what is going on in my life at the time. Today, we heard about windows and doors. With just those two words, what do you think of? To me, I think that doors are the barriers we either put in front of us ourselves or the barriers we believe are keeping us from the path in front of us.
Windows, on the other hand, are the ways we see the light, the answers, and the opportunities in our lives. That's my take on it, anyway. Windows provide a way to see the way forward. I remember reading the book "Alive" about the airplane crash and the Andes survivors by Piers Paul Read when I was a young girl. While it was shocking, I also saw people who were looking for the opportunity to live. Naturally the most shocking part was the fact that they had to make a choice about whether to eat the bodies of the ones who had perished. To me, as I sit in the warmth of my home, I would say "That would be a hard no for me"----a definite "door" that I could not or would not open. However I can only imagine what it would be like to have the instinct or the window to survive. The people who did the impossible, eating the flesh of the deceased, were able to survive for 72 days until they were rescued. Time after time, the news got worse. From a transistor radio found in someone's suitcase, they were able to hear that the rescue had been called off and wouldn't resume until the spring thaw. It only seemed to get worse as avalanche after avalanche ripped through the carnage of what was left of the plane, killing person after person. Given the atrocity of the situation, what is it that allows some to see doors and some to see windows? Of course, there are so many stories of tragedy and survival from the dawn of time to the present time. What is it that allows some to have hope and some to lose hope? I would like to believe that I am a survivor. At what point could I eat human flesh in order to survive? I'm so grateful to believe in an awesome God who will take care of me (and all those who I love) in this life and into the next. I want to see through the windows and not ever get caught up looking at the doors as barriers. Some days are simply tougher than others. We walk through hard things that we never thought we could walk through before. Where does that come from? Just for today, I pray that I continue to see windows where possible and not be thwarted by a door. What are your ways to see windows instead of doors? How do we ensure that we not only see the windows themselves but that we can also help others to see the windows where possible? Sharing hope is likely one of the most important things we can do...not just for us but for others we love. I'm going to keep looking for windows of opportunity---how about you? Happy Communicating, Shelly It is highly likely that this blog will resonate with many of you; at least I hope it does. Many of us have spent Thanksgiving, Christmas (insert your own religious holiday here), and/or New Year's Eve with some semblance of family members. I have always said that it can be easier to be kind and forgiving toward total strangers than it can with our own nuclear family members. I guess that isn't such a crazy concept, is it? We may only see that stranger in need once in a lifetime, while we play our assigned and pre-determined roles within our families with just a touch of a button (that someone wittingly or unwittingly pushes, right?). Throughout these last couple of months, I have noticed that even though our two Labs (Kirby and L.C.) live with us and are considered immediate family, they don't necessarily have that lack of patience that we, as humans, have with one another. I suppose they somehow know on which side their bread is buttered, but I also believe they lead a simpler life and take life at face value. There aren't the complications that we humans bring into the mix, even if/when we do it inadvertently. Here goes:
Season's greetings to all, and thanks for reading my posts in 2023! May your days be merry and bright! Happy Communicating! Shelly Once again, the Gospel Reading and sermon today in church got me thinking....a lot! I love to partake in deep reflection, but not if it makes me feel guilty. Maybe there is something about that, though. Maybe if something makes me think or feel a certain way, there is a reason for it. The Gospel reading and our Reverend Jamie talked about how we need to ensure that we are using our talents, as we are able. So, I started thinking about all the talents I have and if I am using them to the best of my ability.
Here are a few talents (albeit at varying levels) I have:
I used to get quite nervous, sometimes, when conducting a professional development (PD) for all teachers or all administrators in a district for fear that they would think my modeling of certain techniques or strategies might be "silly". I no longer fear that, and I often start by telling them I will be modeling for administrators (for instance) what they might model for their teachers as instructional leaders themselves so that teachers can then take these ideas into the classroom. One of the techniques I use are chimes (just three tones, as I do have to pack clothes in addition to my training material). I almost scolded a few teachers one time in Houston who were on their phones while I was giving instructions on the next task. I used proximity to walk over to them while I was talking, and one of them looked up and said, "We're all ordering the chimes from Amazon". Naturally, that got a chuckle out of me. Fast forward to a week or so ago, I was teaching a workshop to about 60 teachers. At the end of the day, we did a "Circle Up" protocol in which they first individually write one word, one phrase, or one brief sentence that summarizes their learning from the day. We made a literal circle and went around the circle quickly (it isn't meant to be a dissertation from each person, and I, as the facilitator need not respond to each one), many people saying things like "total engagement"; "collaboration is key"; "learning can be fun"; etc. One of my participants said, "Honor the chimes". I had to ask him to repeat it because I wasn't quite sure what he meant, but he told me afterwards that learning to respect when the chimes are rung, the expectation should be that everyone gets prepared to listen. Brilliant! I have thought about school-age students I have known or heard about who feel this fear paralysis in classroom environments. They don't speak up even if they know an answer (for fear of being ridiculed); they don't know how to do the work that has been assigned to them so they simply act out instead. I have learned, time and time again, that sometimes, students would rather be categorized as "misbehaving" rather than "not very bright". Of course we, as adults, can say, "Come on---you can do this!" but the reality that possible environmental issues keep them from wanting to take that chance. I, too, could stay "comfortable" in the life God has given me....or I can truly listen to what God is "calling" me to do. Which will it be? At the end of the day (or all my days, for that matter), I sure would love to hear "Well done, good and faithful servant". Happy Communicating to all and have a blessed week, Shelly I know fully well that our God is an awesome God. Why? Mostly, it is because He makes me feel like what happens in church was EXACTLY what I needed to hear about from the events that occurred the week before or even the day before. This week was no different. The Gospel reading and sermon were all about the bridesmaids at a wedding running out of oil for their lamps and were afraid they would be in total darkness as they awaited the arrival of the groom (the story is not lost on me in that it reminds me that on the evening of our wedding, the electricity in the church went out from a tremendous thunder storm").
Being proactive wasn't necessary the reason I felt so calm that evening. All I cared about when asked by my sweet bridal attendant, Beth, if I was going to be okay if there was no electricity during the wedding, was "As long as Dave is up there when I walk down the aisle, it will all be good." And it was----simply amazing to see the sun come out for a gorgeous sunset just as we were headed to the limo from the church to the reception. But I digress (for a great cause, though, right?)..... The theme of the sermon and the Gospel reading this morning was truly about being proactive and prepared. I think about the notion of preparedness and relate it to so much in my own life. I have often been accused of being a control-freak, having OCD (which I like to refer to as CDO so the letters are in alphabetical order just the way they are supposed to be), having a Type A personality ("A" stands for awesome, right?, so I am good with that) or even being a bit anal-retentive (that starts with "A", as well, but I'm not as jazzed about that one). I am definitely the Julie McCoy (cue the old "Love Boat" reference and theme song) when working with work colleagues or spending time with my dear friends. I am the driver (partly because I am a good DD since I don't drink anymore) but also because I have it in my bones the ability (and need) to ensure we have dinner reservations, to lead 8 people through the streets of NYC heading toward a venue to teach, and I definitely need to know when we will be eating our next meal (that's perhaps an unrelated need to satisfy my hunger). Most of the time, this proactive planning works in my favor. I learned early on in my teaching career that, when working with students with severe emotional/behavioral needs, that if I was not proactive in my planning, there would indeed be bloodshed in the classroom. Eric wasn't going to tolerate Richard's inane comments, and Eric would rather punch Richard in the mouth than listen to him. I kind of got it, and I might feel the same way, but my impulse control was a tad bit more established than that of my 3rd, 4th, and 5th graders. Planning engaging lessons (before the word "engagement" became such a "flavor of the day") was not just a good idea; it was likely the one thing that truly got my students excited about learning. When we read "The Indian in the Cupboard" by Lynn Reid Banks, I created a laminated "cupboard". Inside of said cupboard, every afternoon after the students left, I would place 3 pictures of items that were tips or clues about what might happen next in the story. These kids, who came to me as virtually non-readers, could not wait to get to class and for Reading (pre-ELA terminology) to start, as they knew someone would be chosen to open the cupboard and get to hang up all three picture clues on the board for everyone to write on a slip of paper (regrettably, I hadn't found the inner joy of using post-it notes, yet) what they hypothesized would happen in that day's reading. Fast forward....these hitherto non-reading students were now not just learning to read but they were truly reading to learn....and learn they did. We read Robinson Crusoe, The Sign of the Beaver, and several others. Don't even get me started on how I am certain that in some places, the books I read with my students might have been banned. Uggghhhh..... but that, indeed, is WAY too big of a topic to write in this blog. Students who earned enough points (they were self-assessing their own behavior, by the way, before that became the "thing to do") would get to go with me on a lunch outing on any given Saturday that culminated in a trip to the bookstore (remember those, pre-Amazon, stores?). They loved that time....almost as much as I did, as it built relationships between me and my students. I even took one of my students to the Alamo, as she had finished reading a historical fiction book about a cat who lived through the events that took place at the Alamo. Reminda, my sweetheart of a 4th grader, at the time, became enamored with the architecture of the Alamo and never once again took my stapler to staple her thumb (Yep, that's another blog topic). One of my dear friends, who passed away almost a year ago, had planned and prepared for her kids as she began suffering more and more from the 27 malignant tumors that were attached to her liver and knew she was not going to be on this earth much longer. During our last in-person visit, we had lunch and then found some completely quiet time during which I sprinkled her with Holy water (why my Episcopal priest at that time knew I am "equipped" to know how to bless others baffles me to this day, but I sure do appreciate the Holy water and use it as I see fit, which is exactly what she "called" me to do). I wish I was able to micro-manage the hurt away from her beautiful adult kiddos who I love like they could be my own, but that's me trying to "control" the outcome in the way I try to see fit. I have to remember that some of my best experiences were from my biggest mistakes. Recently, I was asked to teach a workshop in another state. I always try to ensure the contact at the school district, school, university, or charter school network at which I work is made aware of my very specific needs: the room arranged for maximum viewing of the PowerPoint coupled with the ability to discuss in groups throughout the session; the participant materials; highlighters; chart paper; post-it notes (I told you I may not have figured out the magic of these little gems when I was still in the classroom but I use them in every training I do, now); a projector that has an HDMI port, the ability to project sound (as I always show teaching videos); and the ability to get on the internet. After reading that, you might conclude that I am either "prepared" or "anal". I actually believe those two are not mutually exclusive. I often say things like "Only four people to a table; yes, I promise there is a method to my madness". I also teach my Ed Leadership students as well as workshop participants, "I don't do anything because it's 'cute'." You may, indeed, find an idea I use to be clever (and, by the way, I do prepare the room arrangement and materials with fun and purposeful learning in mind), but the real reason is for true, purposeful, meaningful, and relevant content to come across so workshop participants (and my Ed. Leadership students, as well) leave feeling as though they are truly learning really important strategies and material that they can use tomorrow. Welllllllll.....let's suffice it to say not everything went as advertised in this recent training. Although I arrived one hour prior to our start time (I always do this to be "prepared" for the unknown, which often means moving furniture around so all participants will be able to see each other as well as seeing the PowerPoint). The problems started with no one being able to help connect my computer to the projector (I have almost every connection known to man that I carry with me in my "ditty bag", but nothing fit). There were also not NEARLY enough seats set up, so I got my workout for the day (which means I was sweating something awful) moving furniture around so we could access another table or two. I also needed more chart paper, and everyone (totally understandable) was either helping to dismiss students early or busy eating their lunch before they came to me. Suffice it to say, we did not have any visuals for about 15 minutes, so I had to "wing it", which the teachers seemed to appreciate, as things rarely come off as advertised despite careful planning (it sure helps to have a good plan, though, because then you can envision how you might "pivot" should the need arise). Once we got the projection, the sound on the videos wouldn't play despite every techy idea I could try. One of the teachers graciously offered her own speaker that was perfect for the 2nd video I used. When we gathered in a circle at the end of our time together to name one word, phrase or brief sentence that could summarize our learning, every single person said something worthy of being heard (a couple even said "flexibility", which made me realize that the flexible manner in which all teachers have to teach was recognized and dealt with). Over 50 people were in that circle (myself included, as I definitely had to summarize that these teachers who had been at school until 8 or 9 the night before and had a musical to put on after we were finished----crazy, right?????), but everyone had an amazing take-away (a couple are going in my own reflection journal). In what ways have you found planning, preparation, being proactive, and ready to pivot in your own work or personal life? I'd love to hear your thoughts! Happy Communicating!! Shelly When I look back on my life (from childhood to my mid- to late-50s), I often ponder where I learned certain things. For instance, my sweet Mother (who died in 2005) used to tell me that when we, as humans, are in a "funk", we likely need to "act as if...." if we are going to be attractive to others (friends, new relationships, etc.). This was, not surprisingly, first taught to me after my first REAL (what does that even mean? I'm still wondering about that, to be honest) boyfriend broke up with me. Not only my mother told me "We all have an aura about us at all times, and if your aura is putting out bad mojo, you are likely not going to be overly attractive to other boys who might otherwise have an interest in you". Ironically (or maybe not so ironic when you really think about it), my 8th grade science teacher (who was also my uber-strict bus driver), when I was a hot mess (sobbing all morning the day after said break-up), started walking over to me (and I thought, "Here goes....he's going to tell me to go to the bathroom and get my crap together") and leaned over and whispered these words I have never forgotten, "He's one of MANY fish in the sea, and you are going to attract so many other bigger and better fish than you could ever imagine, so my advice is to let this one go." Wow! What a way to dry up my tears out of sheer astonishment. The supposed Grinch truly had a heart, and he picked me to show how much he cared. That teacher died many years ago, but his words still remind me to keep the main thing the main thing. Who did you learn life lessons from? Was it from a mom and dad who gave you some semblance of a normal upbringing and you even had grandmothers and grandfathers who also passed down words of wisdom? My childhood would, by many, be categorized as "the illustration when you look up the word 'dysfunction'", which is not to say that anyone did anything bad to me except to do the best they could when they did it and did better when they knew better (I'm butchering Maya Angelou's words something awful, but you get the gist. When I travel around the world working with teachers and educational leaders, I often tell them, "You're going to hear me sing out some call-and-response examples, and I am going to ring chimes because I am the 'victim' of being birthed by two AMAZINGLY talented musicians. My dad was a band director for 40+ years, and my mom was a concert pianist." That part of my genetics and my upbringing are pretty ingrained in me, so I'm sorry if that isn't something that my modeling is something you could or would use in your own teaching. When I go visit my dad in the nursing home (for lack of a better term), he loves to hear if I worked with the band directors in the district where I just was working. I love talking to Daddy's "people" and using band and choir (and other non-traditional) examples of what good teaching looks like and sounds like. All of this above to say what I wonder about: if a single parent, who was the solid rock and foundation of, say, three kids, dies prematurely, how much of what she has instilled in those kids going to stick with them the rest of their lives. Or, maybe for those of us who are wondering, are we supposed to swoop in and linger to help with the questions young adults might face since their mom is no longer around to answer said questions? Those in the know obviously know I am not asking hypothetically or rhetorically, but am truly wondering, "How much of what this rock-solid-faith-based Christian mom taught and modeled for her three beautiful children going to stick with them if she isn't there anymore to answer some of life's difficult questions or help be a moral compass when (not if) needed? One of my favorite contemporary Christian artists, Nichole Nordeman, sings a song called "Legacy" (click on the title to hear the Youtube version of her singing this acoustically) which epitomizes what I believe to be my role in life (since, partly because, Dave and I don't have human children of our own. What is my legacy for my beautiful 37 year old niece if I were to pass away tomorrow? What about for her daughter, who I feel such a kinship with but we don't see each other all the time? What would my 5 year old niece say about my passing, as we are currently navigating the waters of becoming extremely close (we are currently looking forward to her second time in 6 months of staying the night with Dave and me without her parents----to include watching Scooby Doo in bed with popcorn and M&Ms)? Maybe it's a bit of my ego wondering what is said about me after I'm gone, but I do hope and pray that there will be a grain of wisdom, humor, passion for everything I do in my career and fierce affection/love that people will say about me. I may be "a lot" for some people, and that is truly okay if I have made an impact on any of the beings with whom I have taught, counseled, mentored through their doctorate, loved, and admired. Fun fact: My mother, who was a self-proclaimed atheist for most all of her adult life, had a St. Francis of Assisi statue in her garden or in the woods near her, because she truly worshipped nature and animals much more so than us humans. As our Episcopal priest preached about how St. Francis was one of her favorite saints, I started bawling like a big baby, thinking about how I pray that Mother gets a regular chance to chat with St. Francis. In the same sermon, Jamie (our priest) taught us that although the word "blessing" in our language typically means something that is tangible or real that we have been given. In Hebrew and other languages and religions, blessed is more translated as "ashar" meaning "to find the right and straight road". In addition, the word "blessed" is translated also in Hebrew as "to kneel or stoop down to God". I love this translation, as the work I do with teachers and school leaders focuses so much on relationships. In fact, in the Danielson Framework for Teaching (for whom I am one of selected international Danielson consultants), we talk about kneeling down next to a student as one of the best ways to show respect for and build rapport with students (Danielson, 2013). I happen to love when my "work beliefs" directly correlate with my "spiritual beliefs". How do we bless others? How are we blessed by others? I'd love to hear your thoughts on what wisdom you have gotten from others and how it has changed you. Why? Because I want your learning to help me learn. Happy Communicating, Shelly Danielson, C. (2013). The Framework for Teaching: Evaluation Instrument. Princeton, NJ; The Danielson Group. Have you ever had one of those days in which everything seems to go askew? Wait a minute. I meant to say: when was the last time you had one of those days... Everyone has them. It isn't just a matter of if, but rather when. When I have a day like that, it seems like it is usually when I am traveling. One such day that comes to mind was a few years ago (it would be perfectly natural to assume one hasn't happened since then, but that wouldn't be correct) when Dave and I were traveling back home from a two-week trip to Europe right before we were to be moving from Florida to Arizona. We arrived to Charles De Gaulle Airport in Paris, checked in then went to the gate. As we stood there, waiting to board, a notification appeared saying the flight was delayed, then just as quickly changed to "Flight cancelled". Uh-oh! No, no, no. Our flight from Paris to Atlanta couldn't be cancelled because Dave had to get back to Florida to meet the movers who would soon be packing our entire house for our move to Arizona. On top of that, I was supposed to be flying to a school district in Florida to do a keynote and break-out sessions for them. Dave and I quickly scurried to find a gate agent who could help us. I ended up changing my flight that would end up getting me to my training location the night before my training. Dave ended up not getting home until extremely late the night before the movers arrived early the next morning. It seems that all would be fine. But wait! There's more (like a Ginsu knife commercial without the knives, and Murphy's Law has ownership over times like these)! The next morning, I was in Orlando (which, miraculously, was where I was supposed to be), preparing for my keynote and I notice that my powerpoint was missing some slides. Scratch that: a bunch of them. I was about two hours away from presenting and I had very little on my slidedeck. My heart was pounding and I started sweating. Some might mistake these signs for being in love, but no. It definitely a thump-thump but no loving feeling was attached to it. If you have lost something big from your computer, you know the wave of panic I felt. Side note: I have a dear friend with whom I got my doctorate who lost all of her material from her computer as she was 3/4 of the way finished. Not great. I was experiencing conflicting messages: one that said, "Freak out and take everybody with you!" and one that said, "This, too, shall pass." I chose to listen to the first message for several minutes until a still, small voice said, "Take this opportunity to re-do your presentation." After all, I knew the message I wanted to present, I had some of the slides, and I had the printed material the participants would have. I took a deep (read: enormous) breath, and got to work. One hour later (with minutes to spare before I was "on"), I had a new powerpoint presentation which, admittedly, was rushed but a better product than I had before. The key ideas that I learned from this experience were: 1. Don't getting bogged down in self-pity (for too long, anyway) 2. Start by taking some action 3. Use the experience as a learning opportunity (have I mentioned I now have an "auto-save" feature on my computer, now?) I am extremely grateful for the re-do opportunities I have been given in my life. Yes, I have often had to be tapped on the shoulder in order to jumpstart the re-do, but the choices were mine to take or ignore. Some of them include: *Choosing to move into an educational leadership position almost 20 years ago *Dave and I chose to move to Tucson 10 years ago to "do something new" and then moved to Texas 2 years ago to build on our "what if someday" land in the hill country *I chose to quit drinking and become more "present" in my life over 25 years ago What have been yours? I would love to hear your stories and the lessons you've learned! Check out this great song by Francesca Battistelli that pretty much sums up life to me: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xe4SckesWLE Happy Communicating!! (and now I am going to save my work) :) |
Shelly ArnesonCategories |