Let's just start by getting it out there. I had to have a medical procedure this week that involves a scope up my hind end. Okay, I said I'm going to get it out there. It was time for a colonoscopy.
First things first, the nurse called me day before yesterday to remind me to begin my prep. Remind me? I've thought of little else besides the idea of drinking the most vile fluid next to ingesting your own urine (and I haven't ever tried that so I hate to make blanket statements like this). "Yes I have everything I need", I told her. "Remember, you can eat orange popsicles if you want", she chirped happily. "Yea!!" I said in my best optimistic, perky voice (the next day, I would be clawing for those orange popsicles like I was just given a food box on Survivor).
Not to be outdone, the hospital called and asked if I knew where to go the morning of the procedure. "Hmmm....I haven't been there before, so..." She helpfully described, "Turn on Innovation Parkway and then go way to the backside...." Whoa Nelly!! That's what the doctor is about to do. Choice of words, please? After all, you have options. "Take the 3rd left and you'll be at the rear..." No, that wouldn't help either. Go on......
Yesterday was prep day. You know the day where you get to eat all the soup you want (without the noodles, veggies, or any of the good stuff of course), but it turns out, who has time because I wasn't out of the bathroom for many minutes of said prep day. Having Labrador Retrievers is adorable as they want to be with you every minute. They are fully supportive about all the restroom trips and come and sit in the doorway to protect me from anyone who might come to steal me while I'm on the TOILET!! But after the 25th trip (not exaggerating), even they grew tired of the trip and simply lay in the sun and sighed. Some protection. After a while, I began to wonder, "Why don't I just pour this diet coke I was drinking straight into the toilet bowl? It will be there in such a short while anyway."
I shouldn't complain. After completing my prep early, I actually got a pretty good night's sleep last night with little (ahem) interruption.
This morning, Dave took me to check in at the outpatient surgery section (at the rear.....) to meet Dr. Butler (not gonna lie to you---Dave and I giggled like 4-year olds when we met our gastroenterologist for the first time and had to put extra emphasis on the first syllable of his name). When I checked in, the admin gal asked to see my insurance card, form of payment (don't even want to think about how much I have to pay to have someone go up my backside. It's wrong on every level), and........wait for it........my picture I.D. Couldn't help it. I had to ask, "How many people have you had try to sneak in trying to disguise themselves as someone getting a colonoscopy?" She chuckled but I'm sure she's heard it all before.
Getting the IV in was a bit trying......maybe on account of all the liquid that was dehydrated from my entire body over the last 36 hours....but I digress. "Wow, you have little veins" did very little to make me feel petite and pretty but made me a bit ill. Once the IV was in, Dave charmed my nurses, I charmed my anesthesiologist (I wanted to have a great sleep, of course), and the rest of the experience was pure bliss, including the surgical nurse who said to me right before I went under, "You have the most beautiful blue eyes". Oh crum, I thought as great drugs were put in my IV> The picture ID didn't work. They must be about to do the procedure on someone else because I don't have blue eyes!!
Best sleep ever!
But just for today, perhaps we should think about what words we say and the effect they have on others.