DR. SHELLY ARNESON AUTHOR AND CONSULTANT
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Happy Communicating
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Making Assumptions

10/30/2022

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I was boarding my flight to ..... well, somewhere, recently (I can't remember as I have been traveling a bunch and the flights tend to run together), and I was in my lane (stay in your lane, right?) to board and talking to the gentleman behind me, when another guy walked right past us and got in front of us. I don't know about you, but even if I have priority boarding, I need that overhead bin space, and if you are any further back than Group 2 (or whatever your airline chooses to call the 2nd group---by colors, numbers, favorite dog breeds, whatever...), you may or may not have room for your suitcase in the overhead bin.  I abhor checking my bag, and I avoid it like the plague, so for people to "cut" in line kinda irritates me. Apparently, the guy I was talking to felt the same way, because he said, "Hey, there's a line for Group 1 back here for a reason!" pretty loudly. The guy who had zipped past us turned around just in time for us to see how he was dressed, and he said, "You probably want me on the plane. I'm the co-pilot".  {Oops!!} While I was ever so grateful I hadn't shared my thoughts aloud, the guy behind me said, "Well, maybe he should have just said, 'Excuse me; I need to get past, as I'm the co-pilot for your flight'." 
We make assumptions all the time, don't we?  I've heard the very typical ones said about people who are homeless or nearly there by others that see them, saying, "Oh look! He has a cell phone and he's begging for money" or "If he can stand on both feet, he should be able to get a job".  What we aren't realizing is that we don't know all of anyone's story....unless of course we are willing to ask or sit and talk with them.  I talked a couple of years ago about starting a ministry at our church in Tucson in which Dave and I started out taking bags of water, fruit, nutrition bars, etc. down to downtown Tucson and passing them out. We got to know a guy named Bernard, who actually gave Dave an orange (it makes me smile to think about it now) in an effort to "repay" us for our kindness, only to yell at us to go away the next week we brought down more bags for more people.  Some other folks that spent their nights in that same park said to us, "Don't mind Bernard. He's just crazy!" and they took our bags of food and water.  I still think about Bernard. Did we make him mad? Was he so mentally ill he couldn't remember our kindness from the week before? Our thoughts begat other thoughts as well.  We wondered why those folks simply didn't go to a homeless shelter that was less than a half block away.  When we asked questions, we found out that the shelters had pretty firm policies (rightfully so, of course) on "no drugs" (and some of these folks were so addicted to marijuana or other drugs, they didn't have the capacity on their own volition to stop).  They also had curfews, and some of the mentally ill folks felt more comfortable out at night than they did being out during the day.  I think I know a few college students like that, don't you?? 
I think what I learned and am still learning, one day at a time, is that I don't know what someone else is going through, and to make assumptions about them or their situation is judgement that I have no business doing.  In fact, to go back to my initial story, I need to simply "stay in my lane".
Just for today, maybe instead of making assumptions about people, we might ask questions to show we care.
I pray blessings on each one of you who reads this.
Happy Communicating!

Shelly
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