Lessons from Caitlyn

This is a blog I posted way back in December of 2015, but it is still so relevant today. 
Please take a look!

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I suppose that, even if you haven’t seen the video of  Caitlyn (click on her name to view the video),   you have heard of this story or one similar to it.  It’s all about the willingness to trust again, to me.  After having been through something so devastating as having your mouth taped shut to the point of massive injury, can you trust again?  I just attended a meeting this morning, where nearly 75 men and women talked about the need to find a belief in a power greater than themselves after going through some kind of horrible time (addiction, jail, hospitalization for mental illness, etc.).  I think there are a couple of keys to surviving a devastating experience.
 

1.  Willingness to believe in something better:  Many people get trapped in the “I want to have my own pity party” syndrome, and sometimes, we even play the martyr because we want to have some attention from our tormented past.  When we are going through tough times, it is natural and normal to perhaps want and need some attention.  The problem arises when we sit down in a sandbox full of dog poo and we want to wallow around in it.  Not an appetizing analogy, is it?  But consider how true it is:  we actually stay in our own mess because getting out of it requires a conscious choice on our part to do something different.  “Hmmm…this poo is disgusting, but at least it’s warm and I am familiar with it.”  YUCK.  Caitlyn, the dog in that video, could have curled up and never run and played again, instead choosing to ignore the “what could be”s.  But nope, the minute she got the opportunity to run and enjoy freedom, she takes it.  We could learn a bunch from her.  In our workplaces, do we ever adopt the attitude that someone hurt our feelings once; therefore, I am going to close my door and not socialize with anyone ever again.  We have a choice, everyday, to make something better for our lives.

2.Resilience, complete with a sense of humor:  My first teaching job was teaching students with emotional/behavior disorders.  Many of those students lived in extreme poverty, complete with parents who did/sold drugs and some who were prostitutes.  And I was supposed to teach them to love reading?? Exactly.  As soon as I stopped focusing on the problems they had and started focusing on what I could do to help them enjoy reading (and math and their futures), things changed.  We began by reading “Indian in the Cupboard” together and, after I hung up a cupboard, in which I would daily put items that related to the next chapter we were reading, they began to focus on making predictions, analyzing story lines and much more.  When I later got my degree in Counseling, I began reading a great deal about resilience.  How can someone who has seen a parent murdered ever have a “normal” life?  Frederic Flach wrote volumes on this topic and  addressed some of the factors that contribute to resilience, namely:
a. One person with whom you can trust (a mentor or spiritual advisor)
b.Humor
 

1. Ability to forgive, if not to forget:  Let’s be honest.  After what Caitlyn, the dog from the video, went through, it would be hard to forgive the owner who did that to her.  Apparently, the owner is in custody.  But the point is:  do we let the horrible devastation that happened to us define us?  We have a choice to do something and be something better.  Forgiving someone for hurting us deeply may be a big task, but I think we have to choose between holding a resentment  so tightly, it becomes a burden to us.  Resentments are too heavy.  That doesn’t mean I will not be cautious around people for awhile, nor does it mean Caitlyn will not cower upon meeting new people for awhile.  What it really means is we can’t allow fear and hate to define us if we want to continue to grow and prosper.

 
Just for today, perhaps we can learn a life lesson from Caitlyn’s story.  How will you live your life after a tough time?  How will you go on to be an example of strength to others?
 
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Happy Communicating!
 
Shelly