Dr. Shelly Arneson Author and Consultant
  • Home
  • Blogs and News
  • Workshops
  • Consultation
  • Shop
  • Links
  • Contact Information
  • Dissertation
Picture

Happy Communicating
​

It matters how we say it

6/28/2015

2 Comments

 
Picture
Randy Pausch wrote that great book called “The Last Lecture”.  He was tasked to write a last lecture to his students at Carnegie Mellon, where he was a professor.  It is one of my favorite books, for so many reasons.  What started out as a last lecture to college students became a last letter, if you will, to his sons and his family, as along the way, Randy was diagnosed with cancer that ultimately took his life.  But it couldn’t take his spirit or his extremely thoughtful writings about life, love, dedication, loyalty, and communication.  One of my favorite pieces of his book is his take on how we say things.  As a lover of communication and how it impacts relationships, I have written two books on this critical subject. 

Communicate and Motivate

and

Building Trust in Teacher Evaluations---It’s Not What You Say But How You Say It

Randy tells the story of how all Disneyworld employees are trained to talk to visitors to the park.  While the natural response to the question, “What time do you close?” might be “We close at midnight”, Disney employees are trained to answer differently.  When someone comes up to an employee and asks, “When does the park close?” the employee has learned to answer, “The park will remain open until midnight tonight.”  Now, let’s face it.  No matter what, that amusement park is closing at 12:00.  But how does the Disney way change the outlook and attitude?  Just by putting a positive spin on the answer. 

My first two years of teaching were in an inner-city school in San Antonio, TX.  My kids were labeled “Emotionally Disturbed” and they had some serious behavior issues.  Richard’s outburst could set off Jesse in a heartbeat and even if Mario was joking, Michael didn’t react well to anything Mario said or did.  So, I often joked that I wished I had a double-decker classroom, so I could create more space between these volatile students.  In order to motivate them to complete work without hurting each other, particularly when I wanted them to complete tasks in a group, I would often say, “Let’s make sure we get this done so we can go out to recess on time.”  How differently would they react when the words were turned around to something like, “You better stop that or you won’t be able to go out to recess today”?  I can actually answer that question, as unknowing or untrained substitutes and classroom assistants might say those exact words, to which some of the students might get frustrated, mad or worse. 

How we say things makes all the difference in the world.

As I approach the day of some very major surgery on Tuesday, June 30th, I am reminded of a conversation I had with one of my surgeons.  I was curious about the recovery period after having the surgery.  She answered, “You are in great shape.  You should be back up and walking and somewhat normal routine in four weeks, I think.”  Another health care professional, when asked the same question, answered, “You won’t be able to drive for two weeks and you definitely are not going to feel like doing anything besides sleeping that first week.”  The difference? The first response focuses on the pushing forward of getting better.  The second, which contains two “not”s, by the way, is focused on the limitation.

For today, I would like to focus on the propulsion forward to getting well.  I welcome positive thoughts and well-wishes and also know that people around the world are going through difficult struggles that are hard to bear.  My fervent hope and prayer is that we can make time to lift up those going through tough times and be the spark to help them see words, thoughts, and prayers in the most positive light. 

Happy Communicating!

Shelly


2 Comments
Theresa Pate
6/28/2015 02:21:06 pm

This is just so fine! I have worked with some great teachers in my thirty years of assisting. Probably the Best of the Best was Sisko. She respected the children so she in turn was respected. She did accentuate the positive and never resorted to sarcasm. She squatted down to talk quietly with a student and did not hover over them and wait to see how they were going to respond if corrected. She taught me everything I needed to be successful with the students and their parents.
As the leadership goes, so goes the school. You were the finest principal I have ever worked under. You were available, concerned, saw potential in students, parents, faculty and staff. You spent more time listening and processing and didn't respond with a barrage of
words. You saw us as successful and only in need of a little tweaking. We felt so appreciated and you were generous with spoken and written encouragement. We willingly knocked ourselves out to meet your expectations, knowing they were attainable. It does matter how we say it. You said and continue to say it well. I left your school with my cup running over. And I love and appreciate you......forever. Theresa aka Mama2

Reply
Pam Rosa
6/29/2015 06:57:50 am

Shelly-
This is a really important reminder about the approach of our language. We can be concise, specific AND positive to reply and extend others learning BUT it take purposeful practice. Thank you for also framing this important topic with one of my favorite books too :-) Best of recovery!!!
Pam

Reply



Leave a Reply.

    Shelly Arneson

    Picture

    Archives

    May 2021
    April 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013
    December 2012
    October 2012
    September 2012
    August 2012
    July 2012
    June 2012
    May 2012
    March 2012
    February 2012
    January 2012

    Categories

    All

    RSS Feed

Proudly powered by Weebly
Photos used under Creative Commons from Tjeerd, Johnragai-Moment Catcher, UnknownNet Photography, Mr. Bombdiggity, wuestenigel, quinn.anya, Chocolate Geek, Jorbasa, Leonard J Matthews, JefferyTurner, Golf Resort Achental, fabola, www.ilmicrofono.it, m01229, Heinrich Plum, Titanic Belfast, Strocchi, Cultural viewpoints from around the world, katrienberckmoes, fabola, susivinh, fourcroft, Sweet Dreamz Design, usarjnco, Eldriva, symphony of love, cordalth, boellstiftung, David Holt London, maryjohum, Tony Webster, Rich.S., ZK-OJQ, davidmulder61, garryknight, ChrisPerriman, mrkrndvs, goatling, YellowstoneNPS, Frederick Homes for Sale, Mary_on_Flickr, yourbestdigs, Dean Hochman, guillenperez, Janitors, rachaelvoorhees
  • Home
  • Blogs and News
  • Workshops
  • Consultation
  • Shop
  • Links
  • Contact Information
  • Dissertation