Dr. Shelly Arneson Author and Consultant
  • Home
  • Blogs and News
  • Workshops
  • Consultation
  • Shop
  • Links
  • Contact Information
  • Dissertation
Picture

Happy Communicating
​

If we don't ask for help...

2/16/2020

0 Comments

 
Picture
...how would people ever know we need it?  And yet, how hard is it to reach out to ask for help?  Not to make light of this issue, I literally will strain to open a jar of pickles for 5 minutes before asking Dave to help me (because it makes me so envious when he turns it one time and...voila! pickles).  I have often been know to climb on counters to get to a bowl or dish that was on the top shelf of our cupboards (not joking----those cupboards were not made for 5' 3" people!!).  
     But I'm really talking about the greater needs we have in our lives.  It has almost been five years ago since I was first diagnosed with breast cancer.  Five years! Unbelievable!! But I will never forget getting the call from my doctor when I was 2,367 miles away from Dave telling me that, yes indeed, the biopsy had revealed breast cancer.  All I wanted was to be in Dave's arms, but I received SO  much emotional support from my colleagues and friends in the Danielson Group (the group with whom I was meeting in Princeton, NJ for a Danielson retreat).  It was so hard to take in the "I'm so sorry"s and the "It will turn out just fine"s, as I hadn't had any time to process the information.  But after changing my flight to get back to Dave the next day, the first person I called from my hotel room was my best friend from college, Robin Hoxworth, who literally cried and laughed with me in the span of our hour-long conversation.  After that, and the falling into Dave's arms while surrounded by our pups who Dave had adorned with pink lockets and pink ribbons, I honestly do not remember how it happened, but we were suddenly locked into help that Dave would need after my first surgery (as he was still a working stiff at the time :) ).  Robin stayed for a week, my dear friend Michelle Vaughn (who earned her doctorate alongside me) stayed a few days, and my other best friend in the world, Kelly Raaum, stayed for a week.  I don't really remember all that time, but I do remember that there were so many other angels who sent meals, brought meals, brought AA meetings to me, and so much more. 
     Reaching out for help has never been much of my forte'.  But I believe that there comes a time in every one of our lives in which we realize that help can be found if we just ask.  I think about the teachers with whom I've been blessed to work who reach out to each other (and to me) for creative ideas on how to engage their learners in the learning.  I think about the school leaders who email me (and are not ashamed to do it, which I believe is nothing short of a miracle) to ask for help in how to have better conversations with teachers or how to objectively observe and coach their own teachers in their school.  I cannot tell you how much this means to them.  I mean, I'll be quite honest. I certainly hope it helps my graduate students to get an answer to a question from me, but selfishly, it also helps me so much as it makes me think about my own thinking.  What a blessing!!!
     As a member of a 12-step group that relies on sponsorship (someone you find who has what you want in order to grow in a spiritual fashion), I know we joke about the 50 pound telephone.  So many of us struggle to reach out to one another to ask for help.  We say things like "I just don't want to be a bother".  But the truth of the matter is that when we help others, we ourselves gain such gifts that are unimaginable and difficult to explain.  Who wants to admit they can't "fix" themselves without the help of God or another human being that might have some wisdom to share?  Not many people I know.  But it is in the asking for help that helps us become stronger, which is one of those cool ironies of life!!
     Just for today, I pray that you are able to ask another teacher, friend, family member, or spiritual advisor for just the help that you need.   I'd love to hear your personal experiences with reaching out for help and becoming blessed by the experience. 
      And for the love of all things Holy, please don't climb on the countertop to reach the high shelf of a cupboard (at least without a spotter).  
      Happy Communicating!

     Shelly

0 Comments



Leave a Reply.

    Shelly Arneson

    Picture

    Archives

    May 2021
    April 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013
    December 2012
    October 2012
    September 2012
    August 2012
    July 2012
    June 2012
    May 2012
    March 2012
    February 2012
    January 2012

    Categories

    All

    RSS Feed

Proudly powered by Weebly
Photos used under Creative Commons from Tjeerd, Johnragai-Moment Catcher, UnknownNet Photography, Mr. Bombdiggity, wuestenigel, quinn.anya, Chocolate Geek, Jorbasa, Leonard J Matthews, JefferyTurner, Golf Resort Achental, fabola, www.ilmicrofono.it, m01229, Heinrich Plum, Titanic Belfast, Strocchi, Cultural viewpoints from around the world, katrienberckmoes, fabola, susivinh, fourcroft, Sweet Dreamz Design, usarjnco, Eldriva, symphony of love, cordalth, boellstiftung, David Holt London, maryjohum, Tony Webster, Rich.S., ZK-OJQ, davidmulder61, garryknight, ChrisPerriman, mrkrndvs, goatling, YellowstoneNPS, Frederick Homes for Sale, Mary_on_Flickr, yourbestdigs, Dean Hochman, guillenperez, Janitors, rachaelvoorhees
  • Home
  • Blogs and News
  • Workshops
  • Consultation
  • Shop
  • Links
  • Contact Information
  • Dissertation