I always have a choice...

 
Being a consultant and getting to work with teachers and school leaders all over the world has been the best job ever! Before this, I was a principal at the best elementary school in the world, Edge Elementary School. Being a principal was the best job ever! Before I was a principal, I was a guidance counselor.  Being a guidance counselor was the best job ever.  Wait…what? Well, trust me.  All those statements are true.  I have adored these roles, as I so enjoyed being a teacher for so many years.  When I was a school counselor, I wrote a poem about self-responsibility.  It went like this:
 
I always have a choice,
No matter what I do.
I make the choice
And I can’t blame you.
 
I would have the students from Pre-Kindergarten to 5th grade say the poem outloud in an effort to get them to realize that they shouldn’t ever allow someone else or something else to “make” them feel a certain way.  We would say it in a loud voice, in a soft voice, as a cheer or chant.  We’d say it in a British accent. We’d say it in a Texas accent. We’d say it like a big, fat whale in the ocean (after all, I speak Whale). We’d say it like a tiny little mouse (complete with squeaks).  While attending a conference one year, I got a chance to meet Dr. Philip Fitch Vincent, my favorite “guru” in the field of Character Education.  He shared a quote with us that has stuck with me and will, likely, stick with me forever.  Helen Keller said:
 
“So much has been given to me, I have not time to ponder over that which has been denied.”
 
Wow, just wow, I thought.  In which alternate universe could I have anything to gripe about while Helen Keller was looking at the positive side of things?  Why should this particular verse come back to me this week?  Perhaps it might have something to do with getting food poisoning while I was traveling to Bogota’, Colombia. Now, I am pretty certain it is fair to gripe just a little bit about not being able to hold down any food for three days (when Dunkin’ Donuts munchkins didn’t even sound good to me, I knew there must be a real crisis at hand). But, I am fairly sure that my memories of the trip to Colombia will not solely consist of food poisoning but instead will be primarily focused on the amazing learning opportunities I and the 50+ participants had for three days.  I figure that decision to look at the positive side of life influenced my decision to write the silly little poem for those elementary school students. Or maybe I don’t like the idea of Helen Keller being able to trump me in optimism. Whatever the reason, I believe three things:
 

1.  We have to be willing to believe in something better:  Many people get trapped in the “I want to have my own pity party” syndrome, and sometimes, we even play the martyr because we want to have some attention from our tormented past.  When we are going through tough times, it is natural and normal to perhaps want and need some attention.  The problem arises when we sit down in a sandbox full of dog poo and we want to wallow around in it.  Not an appetizing analogy, is it?  But consider how true it is:  we actually stay in our own mess because getting out of it requires a conscious choice on our part to do something different.  “Hmmm…this poo is disgusting, but at least it’s warm and I am familiar with it.”  YUCK.  We could learn a good bit from this analogy.  One of my dear participants in Bogota’ said, at the conclusion of our three days of learning about how to effectively talk with teachers, “I used to think I was a good listener. Now, I realize I have been bad at it. But I believe I can get better.” We have a choice, everyday, to make something better for our lives.

2.We can be resilience, complete with a sense of humor:  My first teaching job was teaching students with emotional/behavior disorders.  Many of those students lived in extreme poverty, complete with parents who did/sold drugs and some who were prostitutes.  And I was supposed to teach them to love reading?? Exactly.  As soon as I stopped focusing on the problems they had and started focusing on what I could do to help them enjoy reading (and math and their futures), things changed.  We began by reading “Indian in the Cupboard” together and, after I hung up a cupboard, in which I would daily put items that related to the next chapter we were reading, they began to focus on making predictions, analyzing story lines and much more.  When I later got my degree in Counseling, I began reading a great deal about resilience.  How can someone who has seen a parent murdered ever have a “normal” life?  Frederic Flach wrote volumes on this topic and  addressed some of the factors that contribute to resilience, namely:
a. One person with whom you can trust (a mentor or spiritual advisor)
b.Humor
 

1. We have to be willing to forgive, if not to forget:  Let’s be honest.  We have all had our feelings hurt, maybe even many times by many different people. But, I am not willing to curl up in a ball and never trust again.  The point is:  do we let the horrible devastation that happened to us define us?  We have a choice to do something and be something better.  Forgiving someone for hurting us deeply may be a big task, but I think we have to choose between holding a resentment so tightly, it becomes a burden to us.  Resentments are too heavy.    What it really means is we can’t allow fear and hate to define us if we want to continue to grow and prosper.  I have been working on that quite a bit this past year and hope the same for you this next year.

 
Just for today, perhaps we can learn a life lesson from Helen Keller. After all, if she could see the good in life, how can we not at least try?
 
 
Happy Communicating!
 
Shelly

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