Find your tribe...

     I just read a post this morning on an education group to which I belong that said, "Snacks and jeans days are not going to cut it." Such a time we find ourselves in, with educators desperately trying to stand in the gap and keep the faith but feeling so overwhelmed, they just hurt and are crying out for help.  
     I've been talking with some of my students at Grand Canyon University (teachers who are getting their master's degrees in Educational Leadership in hopes of becoming school leaders one day) who tell me some version of, "It's not the kids. I love my kids. It's the morale of being beaten down by COVID craziness, not feeling supported by administration, being beaten up by parents, and unrealistic expectations of what students should be able to accomplish."  I've thought about this a great deal, and I truly believe that the students who are in 2nd grade are truly just newbies to this thing called "school".  Then why in the world should we have any expectation that they should have to pass the same standardized test that was given to 2nd graders three or four years ago?  Indeed, some students are in situations in which they were going to learn all the 2nd grade material in spite of COVID craziness, but really?  Not nearly as many as are expected by schools, districts, states, etc.  
     So, what do we do? One of the things I've been thinking about, praying about, talking about and now blogging about is the need for a tribe. No matter what, we need to feel like we have people who can relate and will allow us to vent when needed.  Here are my random thoughts that I am trying to pull together:

• Meredith and Christina from Grey's Anatomy had it right in knowing we all should have our "person".  I'm well aware it is fiction, but the truth of the matter is that surviving interning requires a dedication to the craft but also a need for people who understand and simply sometimes sit with us while we "embrace the suck".  
• Relationship-building has never been so necessary----relationships between families, friends, co-workers, etc.  At schools, I believe relationships need to exist between administrators and teachers, educators and parents, educators and students, among students, and the hits just keep coming.
• We are asking a lot of people (teachers, especially, in my humble opinion) to "act as if" everything is okay, while their proverbial houses are on fire. And throwing a "free jeans day" at them is simply not enough, not by a long shot.
• No matter what, people are very likely struggling with issues we don't ever even know about.  I can put on a pretty professional face when necessary, but if I have pneumonia, I need to get treatment for that ailment or I can't continue down the path of being who I need to be.
• Instead of pretending everything is okay, we need to ensure everyone has a safe place to go to talk. My fervent prayer is that, as an educator myself, that every teacher has a tribe of people with whom they can get together and laugh until they cry....or cry until they laugh.
• Helen Keller's quote is great, and it is not enough.  I've always loved her quote, "So much has been given to me, I have no time to ponder over that which has been denied."  The tough thing is, though, this reeks strongly of the notion that we should be grateful because things could always be worse.  One of my dearest friends in the world is struggling with so many different kinds of cancers (some of which are so undignified, it's tough for her to discuss it), doctors truly are baffled about what to do first or next or whatever. Is she supposed to say she is grateful every day?  
• Many would say, "God doesn't give us any more than we can handle".  Really?  I am absolutely no theologian, but I certainly have a deep-seated belief about this. I believe God is not "giving" my dear friend these horrid cancers, nor is He "giving" teachers more than they can handle nor is He "giving" Ukrainian refugees the plight of their lives.  I happen to believe these things are happening, and it STINKS! I take refuge and comfort in coming to the altar to pray for others, for my will to align with God's will, and for conditions for the most undignified situations to change. But I do that, in all honesty, for my own humility and serenity. 
• If I believed that if we pray hard enough, my friend's cancer will be cured, then what does that say about the people who have just passed away from cancer? Did somebody not pray hard enough for them? Did they not "act as if" well enough? I'm not buying it. Our God is an awesome God, and I believe He weeps with us as we struggle through COVID, cancer, educator struggles, addiction, crazy dictators, death, grief, and so much more. When I kneel at the feet of God one day, I may have some questions or I may not, by then.  As an earthly human, I struggle some days while other days, I feel like so much has been given to me, I don't have time to fret over the stuff I wasn't given.
• For me, it's about progress, not perfection. When I begin believing the voice in my head that says, "Shelly, you need to be perfect at your jobs all the time. You need to have everything aligned in your live. You need to make good choices 100% of the time", then I am setting myself up for a big fall.  I better not put those expectations on other people in my life, either, as I've heard it said many, many times that expectations are simply pre-determined resentments. 

     Let's circle back. If all of what I've just pondered openly and honestly is even 75% worthy of pondering, then my initial premise holds true even more:  we need a tribe.  I am so very blessed to have a group of college roommates, suitemates, and extremely close-knit friends who stay on a text thread pretty constantly (there are 9 of us, and we love one another pretty fiercely).  After 36-ish years of becoming friends, we will laugh our butts off if one of us falls in the middle of the sidewalk, but only after checking to make sure they are okay....and then we will provide a shoulder on which to cry whenever it is needed. We are prayer warriors for each other, we share the stupidest jokes in the world that nobody besides us will ever "get", and we are and always will remain a tribe.  
     I'm blessed to have a few types of these tribes in my life. I pray that you have at least one, because nobody is getting out of here alive, in the end.  
     Just for today, perhaps we can reach out to a member of one of our tribes (or the whole tribe if you happen to have them on a text thread) and talk about how it's okay to not always be okay. 

Happy (or "Content") Communicating!

Shelly
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