We must lead by example, not just preach.

One of my master's level students (a teacher who wants to become a principal) wrote a discussion post about what he's learned this semester. He said, "Leaders must display the expectation, not preach it" (personal communication, G. Tootle, 2025). I read that a bit ago, and thought: this is not just for leaders but for all of us. 
Education: Obviously, as an educator of educators, I know this is critical. My own dissertation for my doctorate (you can take a look if you need a book to go to sleep by :) ) was all about teacher trust in school leaders. If I had a nickel for every time a teacher wrote something like "He says he has an open-door policy, but his door is always closed" or "I'm pretty sure my students don't even know who our principal is", it would be like winning the lottery. We can't just hang out in our office. We have to be where our students' parents likely want us to be, which is in classrooms as much as possible. Yes, I know, it takes time and it takes lesser important tasks to others, but it is so well worth it.

Marriage:  I think this is another space in which my student's phrase makes so much sense "We must display the expectation, not preach it". If I am an affectionate person by nature, I need to reach out for Dave's hand to hold it, because it might just not be in his DNA to instigate that hand-holding. I'm modeling the behavior I truly want and need. While Dave understands that I am always working. There is always someone in one of my courses or contacts from districts with whom I work who needs a question answered. If Dave and I are on vacation, we have to set those boundaries about work time versus play time.

Parenting:  I'm treading  on squishy ground here, as I am not a parent of human children, only the canine kind. However, having been a principal and having a student sent for the office for using my Mother would have made me wash my mouth out with soap or a racial slur of some sort, I know the ramifications of modeling what we want to see and hear at our school. So, I used to have the student call their parent (I did give them a choice), even if they are at work, and say the word or sentence they said.  Most of the time, this worked amazingly well. The dad would say something like "We don't ever talk that way at home, so I don't have an f'ing clue where he got that." Wow! If only I were kidding. But at least half the parents would say, "No Playstation for a week for you, and apologize to Dr. Arneson, your teacher and to _______, who you hurt with your words".

We do simply have to model what we want to see in the people around us.
Sorry for the lapse of time. I have had some health issues that are all being taken care of, but I'm going to model joy today.....because I want it, too!!

Happy Communicating,
Shelly