As most of you know, I totally use this blog to combine my education career, my spiritual life, marital life (with my sweet Dave, my husband of over 31 years), and communication about life, in general. This is definitely going to be a combination post.  

While Dave and I have been in Tucson this month, we both have had a great chance to get together with dear friends and family (mutually and separately), and the Labs have gotten to sniff on old and new plants (L.C. was pretty young when we moved to Texas from Tucson). Dave has been able to golf with some of his old buddies, and I have been able to get together with some of my dear spiritual partners many times. What has changed for us, mostly, is where we worship. It was really hard for us when we moved to Texas from Tucson as we had gotten SO close to our dear Episcopal priest (she has since "retired" and moved to Santa Fe). We were so afraid we would be unable to find a church in our area that would "feed our souls" as much as we had been fed in Tucson. We thought it would be so hard. Ummm.....the first church we went to was the one we still attend three years later and have become members. It wasn't hard to find....our worry MADE it hard. I was also worried I would not feel "church connected" while we spent a month out here. Dave and I have attended "couch church" the last few weeks, which is what we call attending our Boerne, Texas church online. 

For those of you who "celebrate" (that is SO not the right word, but stick with me) Lent, you know that Ash Wednesday is a pretty important day, and this past Wednesday gave me the blessed opportunity to go to get ashes and celebrate communion with one of my dearest spiritual partners.  Genesis 3:19 is a pretty important verse during that service, as we are reminded that we are "but dust, and to dust we shall return". Part of it, to me, is kind of saying, "You're not all that and a bag of doughnuts; God is".  Once I left the service (during which time we are supposed to be silent and meditative and contemplative, by the way), I had to call one of my very dearest friends who used to worship with me in Niceville, Florida and is now an Episcopal priest in NYC.  She makes me laugh as hard as almost anyone else in the world. When she answered the phone, she said, "I am so busy but I had to pick up because I knew you were calling about 'butt dust'." Yep, for over twenty years, we have laughed out loud (never, ever could we sit together in a Lenten service, which is convenient because I just attend and she preaches, now) about the 'but dust', because if it doesn't make you laugh to think about being "butt dust", I will order you a sense of humor for Easter.  It is not hard to find joy even during Lent, when there is fasting and taking on of new and improved habits, especially when you hang with the right people. 

This morning was the first Sunday of Lent, and Jamie, our dear Episcopal priest, talked about how we simply don't like or want things to be hard.  But, in a way, we somehow need hard work to get to the good stuff.  It reminded me of a workshop I was teaching a couple of months ago, during which I was teaching school leaders observation skills that would help their teachers.  One of the principals said, "This is really hard work!", and before I could respond, another principal answered, "Only if we do it right".  YES!! It would be easy to observe and evaluate teachers with just pencil-whipping the process, but what would they learn? For that matter, what would WE learn about ourselves and about how to communicate effectively and improve our own teaching practice? 
I was blessed again to be able to teach in a school district north of Chicago this week, and before the session started (it was an afternoon session after early release for students), several teachers brought their own "comfy" chairs in (while I was setting up the room) to switch out for the hard, cold, metal ones that were at each table. See....no one wants to be uncomfortable....and I get that!! Why can't all chairs be comfortable? The work we did Friday afternoon was hard work, for sure, but despite that, these teachers laughed, shared ideas, and stayed engaged until 3:20 in the afternoon! Hard work can also be fun work, I think.  

Lent is 40 days.....I am planning to do some fasting, some processing, and some being vulnerable by looking inside and outside myself.  After all, the work I do in education, marriage, my spirituality, and particularly in my communication is HARD.....but only if I do it right...and remember that I am "but(t) dust".  :)

Happy Communicating!

​Shelly

I've been thinking about SuperBowl (not the actual football game that sports fans are watching but ALL the things that surround this day) Sunday, and I am amazed that a game like this could cause so many outrageously angry and ugly comments (90% of which are not even about the game itself!) from people on Facebook, in person, and on video. I guess I shouldn't be amazed, truly, since so much of what I do for a living (including traveling through crowded airports and disgruntled travelers) puts me in positions to watch the meltdowns of people. We've all seen videos (or firsthand experiences) that show rage in airports, on highways, at gas stations, etc. I have always been the person who wants to say, "I think what ______ is trying to say is....." to try to defuse the situation. Only once have I had someone tell me not to get involved and I strongly suspect it was because they weren't finished reading the other person the riot act.  In other cases, people might say, "Oh! I didn't get that" and hopefully stop the feuding right there.  If you don't like one of the football teams, great. Why not say something about the team you DO like instead of disrespecting the other team.  And, as for the rest of the celebrities (will Taylor make it back from Tokyo on time?), players, venue, millions of dollars spent on commercials, etc., what would today look like if we simply cheered for the people we care about instead of spending more time griping about those they don't like (even "hate", which I despise hearing)? 
I love it when people can simply agree to disagree. If you like Travis and Taylor, great. If you don't, maybe use the Thumper's motherly advice: If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.

When Dave and I moved back from Tucson to Texas, I joined a Facebook group that is run by the dad of the AMAZING guy who cleans our windows. The purpose of the group? Everyone is asked to share their favorite Thai restaurants or maybe the best restaurant for a romantic dinner.  Unbelievable (well, actually it is believable, because I watch it happen every single day) as it is, people say the ugliest things for such a "softball" topic.  Some people end their post with something like: "Looking forward to your 'best taco' restaurants....and, go!" The responses are anywhere from "Go to Mary's Taco House if you like freshly made tortillas" (yea!) to "I'm not going to GO anywhere. Stop with the stupid 'and go!' comments" (really? does that bug you that much?)  to "The best tacos are at my own house. Sorry! You're out of luck".  Ummmm....how about simply not answering if you are going to be a part of the problem and not the solution.  

The same thing happens with "Nextdoor" or any other app. Somehow, we humans can make the nastiest comments out of the most mundane topics.  For example, someone may ask where they could get their new puppy trained. The answers are astounding, and all I can think is I do not want those people anywhere near Kirby and L.C. because there is always someone who will say something like, "If you don't know how to train a puppy, you shouldn't own a dog." Really? How is that helpful?  Ummmmm....it's not. On the flipside, I do not believe that forum is appropriate to talk politics, to ask for money, or to use as a singles match-up place (and, as usual, I will say, "Thank God I have Dave"). 

Years ago, I was about to walk into a meeting full of friends of Bill W. (If you know, you know; if not, suffice it to say I was in a meeting of people who were working on being better people). Outside in the parking lot, two of my favorite old-timer guys were arguing loudly about candidates for an upcoming election. Each had their own very important points they wanted to make about how their "man" was the best "man" for the job.  At 7:00 p.m., the meeting started, and you would have thought those two guys were the best of friends. There was no malice, only head nods when the other spoke about the main reason we were at that meeting (which was decidedly and most definitely NOT about politics). At one point, John (may be a pseudonym or not; you'll never know, will you?) was talking about how he and his wife sometimes get in disagreements (What????? How could that happen???). John said, "We have learned now, that when we get into those types of arguments, one of us simply turns to the other and says, 'You might be right about that', and then the argument has no place to go."  I can honestly say that was a turning point for Dave's and my marriage that we can simply say, "You might be right" (I admit we do jokingly sometimes add a whispered "You're wrong but let's pretend you're right") and it takes the wind out of the argument's sails.

I'm so grateful that I can simply scroll past ugly posts on Twitter (now X), Facebook, NextDoor, and even the San Antonio Restaurants and wind up a lot happier than if I jumped into the fray.

So, just for today, enjoy the SuperBowl or stick to the PuppyBowl to be safe.
Happy Communicating!
Shelly

For the last 25 or 26 years, I have been doing a morning ritual that entails kneeling down by my bed (when I am traveling, I still do it only because I know I'm about to get in the shower to get ready for work) with two Yellow Lab noses trying to nose my nose, and I pray. I no longer pray for "things" or even necessarily my circumstances to change. I have a firm belief that God has a pretty good idea of what is going to happen to me and my loved ones, already. No, the prayers are for me. While that, on the surface, likely sounds pretty shallow, I know that, for me, helps keep me disciplined and ready to do what God has asked me to do:  love Him, love my neighbors (including Dave, of course, as he has been my "neighbor" for 31+ years), and spread love when possible.  

The next thing I do (75% of the time, honestly, I'm good at this; 25% of the time, I am either late or a day behind) is to read passages from three prayer and meditation books. Why three?  I have three separate sets of prayer partners with whom I am accountable for sharing what I think about the reading for the day and truly reading and taking in what is going on with them.  On this note, Dave and I are spending some time this month in Tucson (from where we moved away from to come back to Texas three years ago).  Yesterday, I got a chance to go to a great meeting of people who also want to keep their side of the street clean, and I got to sit next to my dear Becky and Deb, who are my prayer partners for one of my readings. 

Of course, I am skipping over all the gymnastics we go through to feed the dogs, take them on a walk down to the river park in our neighborhood (where our youngest Lab, L.C. (Elsie) chases deer like she wants to become one) or in the neighborhood where we are renting here in Tucson, and figure out what else we have to do for the day. 

Here's what I DON'T do, upon awakening. I will not verbally (or in written form) spar with someone just because they are looking forward to a good argument.  In my adult years, I have learned to say my piece, listen to others', and hopefully leave as friends and family, still.  One thing I also try to do is avoid people in my life who do not fill my bucket.  Whether that is someone I work for or with, someone on Facebook who is saying totally disrespectful things, or even someone who just ranted to the gate agent that he was going to sue her for not getting him out of ________ (fill in the blank with any city---I've seen in happen in many of them).  I have a firm belief that I might not want to stick my nose in where it doesn't belong (we're trying to teach Kirby that he likely shouldn't try to get down in the hole where an armadillo just slipped into), I also feel the need to speak for those who don't always speak up.  
On that note, I typically keep my head down while I am working, as I LOVE the work I do (teaching teachers and school leaders about how to get better in our craft), but I am going to shout from the rooftops and sing a "Hallelujah!" if someone I've watched move on from being my "boss", especially when they are deceitful, two-faced, and lacking skills in areas we most need them right now.  In cases like this, I am hopeful I get the chance to say what I truly believe, which is "How you do anything is how you do everything".   And, on the same note, if there is someone I believe who not only has the "more than uber-competent skillset" but also the character to back up his work, I pray I can be of service to somehow do my small part to get them in that leadership role that has been vacated.  

My dear friends, family, and colleagues will more than likely know that I will say what I believe, even if it somehow takes me out on a teetering limb. Educators deserve our very best, so I won't ever apologize for that.

How do you wake up and how do you use your day for good?

Happy Communicating to all of you,

​Shelly